What does it mean when we hear the term “Daddy’s Little Girl”, in various communities and cultures around the world, surprisingly the same thing for here in America. Basic observational patterns are not a scientific way to judge important data when dealing with this issue. Teaching young ladies from ages 7 to 13 in an elementary school has identified a disturbing realization about many of our young girls. Many are lonely, depressed and have very diminished self-esteems because their dads lack involvement in their lives. The facts cannot be denied that girls look up to their dads. According to data from Science Daily 1999, “…researchers found that the quality of fatherly involvement with daughters was the most important feature of the early family environment”. Daddies are the keys to a young girl’s emotional stability and future relationship patterns with the males in their lives, and continued educational success. Stated also; “…important role fathers seem to play in their daughters' development, given that the quality of mothering is generally more closely associated with how children turn out than is the quality of fathering”. Fathering can only be successful by an involved father.

Comments made in many cultures despite the communities about, “where are the fathers”? We know where they are; we just don’t say anything to them to motivate or guide fathers to see their daughters. We just shake our heads and call them: “no good, dead beats, hustlers, No good baby daddies, and identify them by their parents as being “just like his daddy”. Maybe all the “Baby Momma Drama” and the “you ain’t seein MY kids unless you pay” issues have hurt our children to the point where girls feel the need to exhibit themselves in inappropriate fashions to get the attention that they desire from their absent fathers. The biological make up of men and women are what allows them to conceive a child, this is a willing and consensual action on both parents unless there is rape or incest. What about the emotional maturity to support a child, despite the emotional implications, and if both parties are emotionally ready or not, our young girls are having sex, girls are having sex with multiple partners, which can result in pregnancy, and contracting venereal diseases that will create complications later in their adult years or even the possibility of sterility or death.

What does this have to do with fathers?Involvement of fathers in a girl’s life especially during or between ages 4 to 16 are crucial because girls receive a foundation on how they want their boyfriends and future husbands to be. The quote by Ernest Hemingway states, ”To be a successful father, there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years”. Unfortunately too many fathers have not seen their girls in over two years. This gives justification for many mothers, why even bother to have a father in their daughter’s life if he is going to leave any way. Expectations are that fathers will leave the home after five to six years of the child’s life. Despite the causes this is a fact that many do not want to face, or choose to down size by excuses and ignorance.

One of the greatest challenges is change, this is enough to scare any new father, and unfortunately young fathers are unprepared for the emotional and financial responsibilities children bring, and they have no mentors to guide them. Communication is a key ingredient for new fathers and mothers. A quote by Phyllis McGinley states, “The thing to remember about fathers is... they're men. A girl has to keep it in mind: They are dragon-seekers, bent on improbable rescues. Scratch any father, you find someone chock-full of qualms and romantic terrors, believing change is a threat, like your first shoes with heels on, like your first bicycle...”. Because of this fear of change and a threat to their ideas on stability and independence many young men and some older ones are just plain scared. To fight this fear there must be opportunities to “teach” our young fathers how to be fathers.

My personal feelings are, “….until you have a daughter of your own, you will never know the joy and the love that booms in a man’s heart. You will never know the fear, anxiety and stress of being responsible for a little girl that is depending on you to keep the scary things away. You will never know the sense of honor and nobility that makes a man want to be more than he is, to work harder than he ever has to please his child, especially his little girl, his princess. You will never know how a man’s heart jumps, skips, and melts when his daughter runs and jumps in his arms or takes him by the hand and walks beside him. You will never know the heartbreak of the fathers who are haunted by the inner demons that try to consume them when they are not allowed to see their daughters or are unable to spend time with them. Unless you have a daughter, and have gone through divorce, separation, imprisonment, the court system or denied visitation by the mother, you will never know why many men are angry at the world”.

This does not go well with a young girl just waiting to see her dad. Not understanding why he does not call or write, and not realizing that these actions have long term detrimental emotional and psychological affects in future relationships. This February has two important events; Black History and Valentines Day. I challenge men to see their daughters, spend time with them, swallow your pride, disregard your arrogance, and break the cycle of not supporting your children.

You may have experienced the lack of a fatherly presence yourselves, just as I have, but the time in now to break this dangerous cycle. Make the time in your busy schedules, get rid of the tough guy and thug persona and be a loving and caring father. I challenge mothers as well regardless of past mistakes by men, hurts or situations allow your daughter to see their father and visit with them. Unless there is legal action, abuse (mental or physical), put your child first and allow them to spend time with their dads. Why can’t folk put aside the “Baby Mama and Baby Daddy” drama and let their girls know that they have two parents that love and support them. What have you got to lose except your pride? But what do you gain, the happiness of a little girl that you helped bring into this world. Don’t leave her here by herself. She needs her daddy.

William Jackson
william.jackson@ewc.edu
(c) Copyright William Jackson 2007.  All rights reserved.