What would be more special than to celebrate this month with your daughter? Fathers talk to your daughter(s) about growing up to be independent, successful, and the importance of worship. Unfortunately there is strong evidence that many young girls from the ages of 6 to 13 regardless of their race are lonely, depressed and have very diminished self-esteems because their dads lack involvement in their lives. The web site 4parents.gov shows from data that, “many adolescences have low self-esteem and require consistent interaction from their parents”. The lack of presence by dads may stem from divorce, long work hours, military service, incarceration, etc.

The facts cannot be denied that girls look up to their dads and need consistent attention and interaction. According to data from Science Daily 1999,”…researchers found that the quality of fatherly involvement with daughters was the most important feature of the early family environment”. Daddies are the keys to a young girl’s emotional stability and future relationship patterns with the males in their lives, and continued educational and professional successes. (BlackNews.com) “Child research has consistently demonstrated that loving, involved fathers are beneficial to the health, education and welfare of their children. When fathers are absent from the home or are uninvolved in the learning and developmental process, children suffer”. Fathering can only be successful by being an involved father, participating in the growth and development of daughters as much as possible. Taking them to church, social outings, and visiting their schools for lunch or programs. This helps to establish and build a bond that only fathers and daughters can share, these bonds transfer over to other relationships girls will have with boys and men. In Psalm 17:2, “Keep me as the apple of the eye, hid me under the shadow of thy wings”. Girls need the close ties that only a father can provide, if they are not present this may lead to girls gravitating to situations and circumstances not healthy in social relationships because there is a lacking of modeling and behavioral expectations by fathers.

The biological make up of men and women are what allows men and woman to conceive a child, this is a consensual agreement on both parents unless there are circumstances of rape or incest. What about the emotional maturity needed to support a child, if both parties are emotionally not ready there is no support. Our young girls are having sex, girls are having sex with multiple partners, which can result in pregnancy, contracting STD’s that can create complications later in their adult years. Psalm 14:2 stated, “the Lord looked down from heaven upon the children of men, to see if they were any that did understand and seek God”. University of Maryland Medical News (2000), “researchers also found that children who viewed their fathers or father figures as supportive had a greater feeling of competence, greater social acceptance, and were less likely to be depressed compared to children who did not view their father or father figure as supportive”. One of the greatest challenges is commitment and acceptance of responsibility for men both young and older men. Commitment is enough to scare any new father, and unfortunately young fathers are unprepared for the emotional and financial responsibilities children bring into a relationship.

Involvement of fathers in their girl’s life, especially between the ages of 4 to 16 are crucial because girls obtain a foundation on how they want their boyfriends and future husbands to be. Involved fathers can teach the importance of self respect, career aspirations, self worth, the dangers of sexual promiscuity and drugs. Absent fathers leave a void and unfortunately too many fathers have not consistently seen their girls to talk to them. This gives justification for many mothers, why even bother to have a father in their daughter’s life if he is going to leave any way. There is a lack of mentors by role models, disconnection with the church and societal (family) perceptions. Communication is the key ingredient for new fathers and mothers whether they are still together or not. Because of fear of change and a threat to their ideas on stability and independence many young men and some older ones are just plain scared. To fight this fear there must be opportunities to “teach” our fathers how to be fathers. One way is through support groups and the church itself. Expectations must be high for one self as well to provide the best support for your children and sacrifice for them in many cases.

My viewpoint is, ”until you have a daughter of your own, you will never know the love that booms in a man’s heart. You will never know the fear, anxiety and stress of being responsible for a little girl that is depending on you to keep the scary things away. You will never know the sense of honor and nobility that makes a man want to be more than he is, to work harder than he ever has to please his child, especially his little girl, his Princess. You will never know how a man’s heart jumps, and melts when his daughter runs and jumps in his arms or takes him by the hand and walks beside him. You will never know the heartbreak of the fathers who are haunted by the inner demons that try to consume them when they are not able to see their daughters or are unable to spend time with them. Unless you have a daughter, and have gone through divorce, separation, imprisonment, the court system or denied visitation by the mother, you will never know why many men are angry at the world”. This does not go well with a young girl just waiting to see her dad. Not understanding why he does not call or write, and not realizing that these actions have long term detrimental emotional and psychological affects in future relationships.

I challenge men to see their daughters, spend time with them, swallow your pride, disregard your arrogance, and break the cycle of not supporting your children. Pick a day or two this month of March and other months to spend with just your child. You may have experienced the lack of a fatherly presence yourself, just as I have and my brother and sister, but the time is now to break this dangerous cycle. Make the time in your busy schedules, get rid of the tough guy and thug persona and be a loving and caring father.

I challenge mothers as well, regardless of past mistakes by men, or situations allow your daughters to see their fathers to visit with them. Unless there is legal action, abuse (mental or physical), put your child first and allow them to spend time with their dads. The happiness and emotional stability of a little girl that you helped bring into the world is the most important event in a parents life. Don’t leave her in this world by herself with no foundation in family, God, and community. God put fathers as the head and not the tail for a reason. Girls need their daddies to step-up, accept responsibility and “Man Up” to their duties.

William Jackson
william.jackson@ewc.edu
(c) Copyright William Jackson 2007.  All rights reserved.