Men in the position of a father or father figure will need a guide or “How To” book to help them navigate through life’s unexpected challenges when raising or mentoring children. Fatherhood requires wisdom, patience, a sense of humor, and a strong spirituality focused and rooted in God’s word. People are willing to provide advice, but what kind of spiritual guidance is there for fathers? What kind of guide understands the inherent responsibilities to fatherhood and importantly how to be a God fearing and praying man? There is one book that has stood the test of time itself, written by The Father who knows of all situations and circumstances, who looks past all our faults and shortcomings and provides wisdom and love.

Fatherhood is a responsibility that should never be taken for granted, nor taken lightly, Proverbs 4:1 states, “Here ye children, the instruction of a father, and attend to know understanding”. Proverbs 4:2 states, “I give you good doctrine for sake ye not my law.” The law of the father holds much weight in the stability and functionality of a family. God’s law is law and God’s words are truth and wisdom.

We as fathers desire our children to live long and fruitful lives just as our heavenly father means for us to, but that requires good teaching and modeling. Proverbs 4:10 states, “Hear, O my son and receive my sayings: and the years of thy life shall be many”. What true father would not want their children to have a long and happy life, but there needs to be consistent commitment from the father to the son. The lack of this commitment is seen today as our young sons are dying needlessly. Understanding thy place in the order and scheme of a family strengthens the family unit and binds the structure of individuals into a unit that is strong, and thus strengthens neighborhoods and communities.

When there is no father in the home the mother has the duality of both parental responsibilities. She must be the disciplinarian, advisor, protector, breadwinner and all the duties and responsibilities there of.
Proverbs 10:1 “The Proverbs of Solomon, a wise son maketh a glad father, but a foolish son is the heaviness of his mother.” Children should conduct their behavior respectfully and wisely, their actionswill be determined by the modeling of the father that is present in their lives, but if there is no father figure many women are beset with the challenges of raising Boys To Men. This is not an impossible task, but how can a man raise a woman, just as how can women raise a man?

If we view the big picture of school drop out rates and incarcerations in this country how many of those young people do not have fathers nor father figures? In Matthew 7:9-12, how we treat and teach our sons or those that we model and mentor is how they will develop. There are too many men leading our young men the wrong way. They are providing our children with alcohol and tobacco (leading to physical dependencies), illicit drugs (creating psychological disintegration), and sex (creating a generation infected with HPV, HIV, HERPES, and unplanned/unwanted pregnancies). This type of generational homicide is leading more of our young men and young women to an existence of poverty and self-destruction.

Quoting the Honorable City Councilwoman from Jacksonville, Florida Glorious Johnson (R), “the church and the community must work together to address our crisis of death and destruction”. Many have prayed for change, but what contributions besides prayer have they offered. In Matthew 6:5 it states, ”and when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily, I say unto you, they have their reward”. What reward will we all receive in the years to come if we remain divided and hypocrites in the Word of God. We fathers have a guide, we have a word of truth and power, all we need to do is follow it. Luke 2:49, “we all must be about our fathers business,” united in a common cause to save our children and not allow another possible generation to be lost.

Suggestions for men…..
1. As children grow they become less dependent on us and start to make decisions for themselves, but we as men/fathers must stay active as models and advisors. Often just listening and being patient.

2. During adolescence there is a minimal tendency to ask parents for their opinions, it is important to ask questions and openly communicate not criticize. Men are prone to be inpatient, but we should learn to wait and guide our talks not force them.

3. Be direct with your decisions and be Fair, a “No” means “No”. You send conflicting signals when you change your mind and don’t backup your words.

4. Teens speak in different languages, don’t be surprised to hear, "Everyone else is doing it” or “There parents are cool” or “I wish you were like such and such parents”. We as men should not be angry with our children, remember they just want their way just like we did at their age or still do now.

5. Parents must stand united. Not trying to be their children’s friend. Don’t let your child pit you and your spouse or girl-friend, etc at odds with each other. Always be in accord with your children’s decisions. It is harder for step-parents and those not married, but both need to work hard to keep peace and unity.

6. Don’t argue with your children. You are the parent, the adult, not their equal or their peer. Remember who is in charge. Fathers must at times be firm and unmovable, but show love in their decisions.

7. Try to imitate a discussion and not interrogate. Fathers be patient and discipline with love not anger.

8. A father should; Be positive, Think positive and reinforce good behavior and always be in prayer.

9. Remember we all make mistakes. Children learn by their experiences and relationships. Fathers may at times need to “tell stories” to relate information. Bill Cosby was very effective in doing this. We as men can guide and make suggestions or provide solutions through stories.

10. Fathers should not be scared to admit they make mistakes also and apologize for them. If you want your sons to “man up” you need to “man up” to.

11. Mothers sometimes need to back off if you want your man to be consistent and obtain and keep the child’s respect. Nothing spoils trust faster than embarrassing or going against a fathers decisions or criticizing in front of the children.

12. Fathers should Pray and not Faint. Have a mentor that is inline with God’s Word. Your mentor or advisor does not have to agree with you all the time.

13. Go to Church, Bible Study, Prayer Breakfasts, etc as a family.

14. Have family time at least once a week.

William Jackson, M.Ed. can be reached at the following email address:
William.Jackson@ewc.edu