“Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts and don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.”
~ Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
When should you pull the plug on a relationship that has expired? As soon as you stop lying to yourself about “possibilities.”
When I tell you “I love you” and your response is “I love you but…” that relationship just ended.
It may take a while for that both parties to understand, process and accept the relationship ended, but trust, we are done.
When I allow a person to debase me, make fun of my (very different) beliefs and my God given gifts and talents, our relationship is over. So, why would a man desire to rekindle what is dead, dead because he contributed to its death? Do I need to hold an actual funeral and invite you to attend to get this message through your extremely large head that dead is dead?
I have done all I can to reject all advance from my ex, you know, the doctor. He must not be as intelligent as he believes himself, because just telling him I am not interested is not doing the trick. In spite of the fact that he was NOT one of the folks I personally contacted after Patty passed away (Facebook is the devil), he still did not get the hint.
In fact, he appears to have taken the opportunity to call to “checkup” on me. As if it matters to him. After all, if he really cared about me, he would not invite me over for a fucking pot roast when I don’t EAT MEAT!
When a person does not See You, when who you are is only an extension of either who they think they are or who they want to be, you don’t exist. This is person cannot and will not get you. Not today, not ever. What is real in their world is the IDEA of you. While I am looking fantastic for my 61 years, he looks every inch and pound of 65 or older.
I share this because too many of us give in to the pressure. The pressure of not being alone, the pressure of being in a relationship, and of course, the holiday pressure.
You deserve to be loved, cherished, protected and adored. While you may be called picky, hold out for exactly what you want and deserve. You are worthy. Act as if you know this is fact because it is!
Remember Avatar? In that movie, there greeting was “I See You.” It touched a space in my heart, knowing that is exactly what I seek in a relationship. It is a powerful affirmation to everyone in your life, that in this moment you are here, present and accounted for, with them. The greeting comes from the Samburu tribe in Africa. The 1st person says “I see you” and the 2nd person’s response is “I AM Here.”
Seeing involves the good and the bad. Relationships cannot be cherry picked, you get the whole person, and that person gets all of you.
As we wind down 2017 and before we welcome in 2018 I have a few issues to offer for resolution, if you so choose. Be brutally honest with yourself. Authenticity is IN for 2018, and it will begin with each of us being honest with ourselves.
Make a list of friends that you may want to eliminate in 2018. I don’t mean you should just kick them to the curb, but perhaps remove them from your inner sanctuary. The only people who should be in that space are the ones willing to come as soon as you call, telling them you lost a loved one. As Soon As.
Think of those friends who only call you when they need help with whatever. Ditto for family members who should not be exempt because they are blood. No one gets a pass this year. When you recognize the pattern of “asking” check them. I answer the phone (or text) with “What Do You Want?” It is a great way to stop that bullshit. Trust me, not many people can handle the brutal truth of their own bad behavior. The bonus is, they will begin to call to just say hello, like a real friend (or family) should.
Do not overlook your romantic partners. More is expected from them not less. How do you really feel about your relationship? Are you conflicted? Do you know why? You should. If you don’t, take the time to figure it out. Perhaps this person is not meeting your needs, but you don’t want to be alone for the holidays. Grow the fuck up. In all relationships, your main relationship is with yourself. When you cannot be alone, with yourself, no relationship will work long term, since you will always be there, hiding from yourself.
We are moving into a new year that will be based on people being real with themselves and others. It’s exciting to see and experience true authenticity once again.
Be bold in what you desire to see and be in 2018. Ask for the stars! You deserve and should expect nothing less.
Have a wonderful Christmas and enjoy this most blessed of holidays! Happy 2018!
Thanks as always for reading
Michelle D. Smith Bio
Michelle D. Smith is a visionary and spiritual warrior seeking to share awareness with many. She has a spiritual blog and a monthly relationship column on Black Refer.com. She is a 2015 alumnae of Listen To Your Mother Baltimore. Her work has been published in the anthology Mom For The Holidays. Under her company, Angels Here To Help, she published her first channeled work, My Life As A Mermaid as well as an angel calendar for 2017.
Relationships are the fabric of life. Using different niches allow her to reach a variety of people to amuse, entertain and inspire.