I am now “officially” considered a senior. A “young” senior to be sure, but certainly closer to seniordom than youth. Like you, I feel no older than 35 most days.
Sometimes I feel much, much older.
So, now that you are a senior dating takes on a special appeal. So let’s look at a few ways that dating is better now than ever before!
1) FREEDOM - Finally! No children, no job, and no restrictions on what you want to do and when you want to do it. Time to use to do those things you never got a chance to do when you were younger. While you may not have all the energy you had in your 20’s, you can still have adventures and be of service to your family, church and community.
2) Knowledge - Which brings us to #2. You possess a wealth of knowledge. Your knowledge encompasses a variety of interests, talents and topics. When you can combine the best use of both work and personal skills, you will find out that you still have much to offer and much that is needed.
3) Wisdom- The wise use of your talents and appreciation of both yourself and others. My grandpa used to tell us that you don’t get old being stupid. Wisdom is to know this for fact, but not have to flaunt all you know to make yourself look good.
4) Self Confidence - Self confidence is sexy! Yes, you are still all of that. What is different now is that instead of getting someone’s attention in the first 20 seconds, it may take a minute or two. But we don’t want that shallow person anyway, do we?
5) Humor – By now, you should have cultivated and grown your sense of humor. Getting older is FUNNY! If you cannot laugh at yourself, you won’t be good company for anyone! Laughter is important and the older you get, the more you can appreciate a good laugh!
6) Health – While you health may not be perfect, if you are still standing, breathing and striving to enjoy your life, your health plays an important part in how you feel and look. Strive to be healthy, to eat better foods, and get enough rest and water. Avoid all that unnecessary sugar and your body will remain your friend.
7) Self Awareness – Self Knowledge Knowing your own self is one of the most important character traits you can have. By choosing to learn more about you, what makes you happy or sad, you can embrace yourself fully. This self knowledge allows you to make wiser choices in a mate. You no longer need to appease or impress others. You know what you want and are willing to wait for that right person to show up in your life.
8) Gratitude - You appreciate yourself, your family, your community and your God. Your actions show your appreciation. Gratitude is a gift your give both yourself and others. Thank you!
9) Conversation – Just talking and being able to HOLD a conversation is a crucial relationship skill. It is both learned and innate, but as you age, you become less self conscious, opening the way to free flowing conversations. Being able to both talk and listen adds a depth to relationships that is priceless.
10) Satisfaction! Finally you are able to just be whether alone or in a relationship. You no longer need another to make you feel complete. You KNOW you are complete within yourself. Your established relationship with yourself shows the path to being satisfied in the here and now.
These are a few of the musings I have had thinking about what wonderful gifts and character “senior” daters bring to a relationship. Connecting with another senior or being bold and going younger it’s all about what YOU feel comfortable with.
Since so many of us “feel” younger in our minds, a happy medium would be to date both younger, older and the same age. Find your own groove and establish your OWN rules.
Life is a song- Are you singing yet?
Dating While Old and Black in Baltimore
Really, I truly do not consider myself old but DAMN why are my choices so limited?
Some call this Black Dating, Senior Dating or Over the Hill dating in Baltimore.
I call it hysterical! As the owner of two online dating websites (one for Black Singles and one for Senior Singles) AND a black dating service (I have held dating events) you would think I could at least find some dateable men. YOU would be wrong!
Dating in Baltimore for a woman over 50 such as myself is a mind boggling undertaking. What I considered would be relatively easy has proven to be difficult beyond measure. It was almost two years since my husband's death before I even considered "dating" again. The gentleman was really nice, could hold a conversation but was not really my type. Now mind you, my type has been all over the planet so I don't have a type per se. However, he was not "it."
That indefinable "it" that lets you know up front just how far to take this thing. So, for me, right now I am taking everything very slowly. Being a widow does have its advantages. One of the advantages is it will buy you time. So even when I KNOW this is going absolutely no where, most men have the common sense and tact not to rush or push me. Great for me. With the apparent slim pickings here in Baltimore, slow is the only way to go. I have been just friends with a man only to find out six months down the road that I really REALLY like this guy. So my method is to take my time, feel the gentleman out and let things unfold as they may. But fellas, I KNOW you (the elusive good man) is out there but please help a sister out!
While I will admit I have been a little spoiled (my husband dressed his self and me very well and was always pretty slim), I am not yet ready to deal with massive beer bellies, nose or heaven forbid ear hairs! Nor am I willing to be seen in public with some one who has on plaids with prints (wtf) or squeaky leather shoes, let alone sandals with crusty feet. What is going ON? And yes, I know I am not the "fly girl" or as slim as I used to be either. However, I do dress myself with care most days and have never mixed plaids with prints (actually, I seldom wear plaids or prints). I prefer not to see my "date" in them either. I never could understand wives who dressed their husband's but believe me I get it NOW. It is quite painful. You just cannot tell a new "potential" man that you would love to show them a great place to buy men's clothes (can you)? Inquiring minds do want to know.
OK so, yes, I do judge all my friends on their character, ability to hold a great conversation (not the one sided conversation where he talks and I yawn), but a real conversation that stimulates your mind, along with a good sense of humor and adventure.
One of a woman's most erogenous zones has always been between her ears. Most women don't realize this until their innate "hotness" has worn off, AND the man of their choice now is sporting one of those beer bellies. Gentlemen, my ladies in the Hurry Dates in Black dating base (and I) are looking for you. You know how to hold a great conversation, and have the character, integrity and sense of humor we seek. You can dress yourself and, if you can't, you have the sense to ask for assistance.
To take me to dinner a few times does not constitute an invitation to spend the night (What? You want to stay here?) I need just a little more than that. Most real women do! I can assist with the dressing as needed, but please get rid of those PLAIDS AND PRINTS! A man who can talk and listen is what I am seeking. A man who takes his responsibilities seriously. but take his self lightly. A great sense of humor and adventure is always a plus. Integrity and honesty with faith in God and the power of a great relationship rounds out the perfect package. This is a wonderful time in life, truly golden. We (women) can do this alone, but would rather be with you!
If this is you, hit me on my website. Ladies, happy hunting and good luck to you!
Michelle D. Smith
Michelle D. Smith is a visionary and spiritual warrior seeking to share awareness with many. She uses words as her sword and the love and grace of God as her shield. She has a spiritual blog in which to enlighten and uplift. She is a soon to be published author and a monthly relationship column on Black Refer.com. The different niches for each allow her to reach a variety of people to amuse, entertain and inspire.
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