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I read Steve Harvey’s book and some of it makes sense, some is hysterically funny and some of it is quite suspect. This advice has been shared in my family for decades. Here is my version of why every single LADY should have a 90 day rule!
There will always be wonderful men to be friendly with. However, the 90 day rule is specific to romantic relationships. I would hope that by now you truly understand that when a man tells you they only want to be “a friend” it’s because you have already failed their inner standards for a wife/girlfriend. We now have a new designation, that of Friends with Benefits. Benefits for who is my question.
First, let me tell you one thing I KNOW about men, especially older men. The older a man is, the easier it is to weed, tend or discard. I don’t mean this in a callous way. Here is the deal. Older men are far more set in their ways than older women. Women are born flexible with the innate ability to go with the flow. Men are taught the world revolves around them – and they believe that bullshit.
As an older woman, I see why the 90 day rule works, especially for us “older folks.” It is far more likely that your older gentleman will have more difficulty maintaining their “façade” than if they were younger. Younger men just work more women to get to their desired results – a body in bed. Older men CAN do the same thing but they don’t. Why? They don’t have the time, the inclination or the energy. They do have VIAGRA!
Just think. The time they are wasting wining and dining you could be invested in an easier mark. Most men will walk away before you get to 60 days, UNLESS you open your legs
When I was younger and not so jaded, I had my own version of the 90 day rule. While it did not involve sex, it certainly involved spending. How much, for what and how often. That was tracked over 90 days before the decision to have sex ever entered my relationship equation. Quite methodical and rude. BUT, it did work to weed out the young men who only wanted one thing and really could not even afford to have a single girlfriend, let alone more than one. I was blessed with reasonable good looks and had quite a bit of fun, with very little effort on my part (oh for the days).
But that was then.
Before you call me a gold digger, please listen to what I am really saying to you. Each and every person is worthy of complete love and devotion. Most women demand very little from their men, including time, energy or commitment. How committed would you be to a person that will change their plans because you call them today for a date tonight? How much time do you need when all you have to do is call and your lady (or man) of the moment drops everything and comes running? I do mean this literally. Whatever happened to the man coming to the woman? Why would someone only hang out with you in their home – can you say booty call?
How will you ever find someone who doesn’t just want you in bed? How can you trust that the person you sleep with on your second or third date is not just in this for some cheap sex?
Yes, I said CHEAP. You cheapen yourself when you just fall in bed. Everyone has to have standards. Your standards should never be about how a person looks. Standards are character traits, not dollars in the bank, a nice car or a beautiful home. Standards are what will keep you going when every material thing in the world no longer matters. Standards are what real love is based on. Standards are what time will reveal.
When you have no standards, when just the pretty face, the banging body, the bank account, job title, or whatever else gets you steamy leaves – what are you left WITH? If that is all you think you need, than please proceed. No need to continue reading. Bookmark me for later when your own reality has beaten you down and shown what you have settled for.
Life has a funny way of giving us exactly what we ask for. EXACTLY what we think we want. It is only when we have become a whole and loving person ourselves that we can look but not touch, see but not trust, hear but not believe.
Ladies, this is not a game. What this is about is waiting to see exactly WHO you are involved with, before getting hot and sweaty. The longer the wait, the more difficult the charade becomes. Why not just wait it out? Look at it this way. You go out for a few dates, you refuse to sleep with your new friend and he walks away. What have you really lost?
What you have gained may be insight into the personality of a person who was not willing or able to be honest with you about their motives. Getting to know the ins and outs of the opposite sex takes a lifetime of trial and error. Be willing to take the advice others offer as long as it resonates within your spirit.
Be honest about your motives. In the first month of a relationship, why would you talk long term anything? YOU don’t know this person. Period. When you add the fact that most people don’t know themselves, it is easy to see why the divorce rate is so high. Two people marrying each other’s façade is what a divorce is made of.
You want a real person, so you want to be a real person. I know women who are planning weddings at the end of the first month. I keep my mouth shut because I vent in writing.
Take your time and get to know you. When you know yourself, the facades and shadows people show to confuse you will be far easier to dismantle, strip down and expose for the frauds they are. Or, you can take the high road and let those fake ass folks expose their own selves.
Trust and believe they ALWAYS do. When they do, please, please believe them!
Michelle D. Smith
Michelle D. Smith is a visionary who seeks to share her knowledge with others. Showing how to use both spiritual and social skills in being a better you is her goal. Acknowledging the fact that most are searching for both truth and companionship, she seeks to bridge those "needs" with honesty, humor and creativity.
Join me on this quest for the "new". A new way of thinking, growing, loving and sharing.
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