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The Ways in Which We Box Ourselves Into Relationships - Many times we restrict our relationships based on bogus and shallow definitions of what we “require.” Men IMHO are far more susceptible in regards to this matter, but women are also at fault.

The real issue of needing to identify exactly what we want to SEE in a relationship is it removes the wonder, joy and excitement of thoroughly knowing a person based on who they are.

So, gentlemen, if you date ONLY one “type” how many of those types really fit your character or life agenda? Are you still emotionally immature and having relationship based on sex? Is allowing ego to define your persona more important than dating or creating a relationship based on integrity? Do you force yourself to go along to get along because she has the perfect hair, figure or skin color?

Ladies, how many of you are eager to do anything to have that doctor or lawyer? What about the other brothers out there, pleasant and kind men who may not have the pedigree you seek?

This is my distinction. Women have a type based on agenda – usually marriage, social status and /or money. Men have a type based on sexual appeal – how a woman looks, what their friends think about how they look and how great they are in bed. But what occurs when you are not having sex? When will we grow up and learn to be tolerant of people as PEOPLE. Not a skin color, title, bank account, or a “look” or body type?

Michelle D. Smith
We create these situations ourselves. We often set ourselves up, and then try to either mold that person into what we want or twist ourselves into what they want us to be. Neither will work in a real, lasting relationship. At some point, you have to bring the real YOU to the table. And so does your significant other. To establish a meaningful rapport, you have to be willing to be YOU! I have stated before that so many divorces are caused by people marrying each other’s facades. Sure, you can get lucky and the person you married or dedicated time to could be better than you envision. But most of the time, the façade will be just that- a mirage. Not real and never was.

Give people a chance to be their selves. Allowing others to open up, to express things as they see fit (not as you think they should), to dress as they please, etc. Fella’s PLEASE do not let a woman’s HAIR determine if she is worthy of your time or attention. Trust that a woman strong enough to rock her hair au natural is more authentic than most folks. At the very least, she accepts who she is 100% and is willing to show the world that while the standard may be for hair to be permed and long, you can still be natural and beautiful.

Ladies, wear your hair the way it feels best for you. No judgment here. I am a little older and have found out that I can approach most Natural ladies who have no problem with holding or starting a conversation. Most of our conversations revolve around hair care (of course). To date, they are the only women I have found who are relaxed and EASY to talk to. So, gentlemen, maybe you should take that message to heart as well.

I ONLY bring up hair because for some reason, black men have some serious, major issues with natural hair. Maybe some soul searching is in order. Again, no judgment, but wearing your hair the way it grows should be commended, not scorned!

Relationships demand work. The ability to meet someone is more of a question of how open you are to new experiences and new people. To meet new people you have to leave your comfort zone. The chance of meeting someone at your church is slim. Why not visit other churches? Are you used to only shopping in certain places – then visit another area of your state and do your shopping there. GET OUT of yourself and explore the wonder that is all around you. How else will you see it? How else can you welcome in something Fresh?

Michelle D. Smith

Michelle D. Smith is a visionary who seeks to share her knowledge with others. Showing how to use both spiritual and social skills in being a better you is her goal. Acknowledging the fact that most are searching for both truth and companionship, she seeks to bridge those "needs" with honesty, humor and creativity. Join her on this quest for the "new". Innovative ways of thinking, nurturing, loving and sharing, creates a new YOU!

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