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Dating in 2013 is the “same game” different year. Are you the same person you were in your last relationship? Hope not. Your relationships ALL have something to teach you. Not just about the other person but about yourself as well. What did you learn? How did you grow? Please take the time to actually answer these questions because they will have an impact on your NEXT relationship!

Are you carrying any baggage from the last relationship or marriage? What generalizations do you find yourself making regarding women/men? This goes back to the original questions about lessons learned and self growth. Should you not have learned the “lesson” it WILL continue to repeat itself again and again. Surely you don’t need the drama, pain or anguish.

Has your self awareness grown? Self awareness shows signs of growth when you censor your own thoughts regarding men or women. It is not that you don’t have negative thoughts or ideas regarding the opposite sex. It is about censoring both your thoughts and your words. What is amazing is catching these thoughts, preferably before you actually speak the words you are thinking. This is self awareness. Heal yourself- bless the world!

Are YOU Ready For Prime Time?
Has your confidence in yourself improved/grown or decreased? This is another question to be answered by you. If your confidence (not conceit or self centeredness) has grown, congratulations! Should you be less confident now than in your past relationship, please re-read the previous paragraphs then answer the questions. The questions are for you to assess yourself. Honesty with self is most important in establishing a great relationship. Who wants to be with a person who does not respect or love themselves? There are people who LOVE self defeating relationships because they do not respect or love themselves. YOU are not looking for that person!

Listen to your intuition! In looking back on any “failed” relationship, there is always a point where you knew and could see the writing on the wall. Many people look past the supposed flaws (I can change him/her) and character traits that seem out of place with the person you thought you were in a relationship with. That is the true personality coming through. It can be anywhere from 2-6 months before THAT person shows up. Hopefully, the person you see at 6 months is the SAME person you saw in the beginning. That, my friend, is a real person with no hidden agendas and at least some inkling of who they are and what they are about. Congrats again- good work! Should they begin to show signs of a different person – take the time to assess if this is who you really want to be involved with. Do NOT let fear or anxiety have any place in this conversation. You have been alone before – you are strong enough to be alone again should the need arise.

NO GAMES! Please do not play games with other’s emotions. It is unworthy, ugly and beneath you. Games do not belong in an adult relationship. Be honest with yourself and the person you are currently dating. Do not be afraid to tell someone you don’t see a relationship in the cards, you are not my type, etc. BE HONEST!

Fair exchange is no robbery! I love that expression. A great example of this is the dinner date. Anyone who thinks you owe them “something” because they took you to dinner is delusional! They had the pleasure of your company- that is a fair exchange! There are times when you don’t know how you feel about a person. So let them know that. If they wish to continue dating, so be it but let them know! Also (this is for women) if a man tells you he is not interested in a relationship BELIEVE him! You can still hang out with this person but until he tells you otherwise, you are either a friend or a booty call. Do not try to change his outlook, or sell yourself short. Be glad you have a person to hang out with and develop a friendship. This person may be perfect for one of your girl friends. Should that be the case, don’t begrudge – share. Your turn is coming around and don’t you want someone looking out for you?

Be a blessing to others and KNOW the blessings will be returned to you.

Peace out!
Michelle D. Smith

Bio
Michelle D. Smith is a visionary who seeks to share her knowledge with others. Showing how to use both spiritual and social skills in being a better you is her goal. Acknowledging the fact that most are searching for both truth and companionship, she seeks to bridge those "needs" with honesty, humor and creativity. Join me on this quest for the "new". A new way of thinking, growing, loving and sharing.

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