“If you want to make this world a better place, take a look at yourself then make a CHANGE!” Man in the Mirror
by: Glen Ballard and Siedah Garratt
January brings a new year, bursting with optimism and opportunities. I hope you took the time last month to be grateful for every experience 2015 offered, be it bad, good or great. Spending time in honest reflection and assessment allows you to grow even more in the future. After all, if you lie to yourself, you will never truly have that which you desire. How could you, when you don’t know, understand and value YOU?
In creating a living, breathing, viable relationship with a partner worthy of love and devotion, we often forget that our first relationship must be within. It is impossible to give that which you do not posses. You can beg, borrow or steal a lot of things. Love, compassion, joy, passion, respect and self worth are not among those things. I own that I am still “in the process of” becoming all I wish to be. I am not perfect, and am not looking for a perfect man or a perfect relationship. What I am looking for is a man who allows me to be ME. The true me, the one that lives, breathes and sings in my heart. That kind of supportive, loving, empathic and intuitive relationship is not easy to find but it is worth the wait.
Here are just a few reasons why:
1) You never will have to worry about where he is, what he is doing or with whom.
When you select a person based on integrity and character and when you YOURSELF offer the same, those thoughts never cross your mind. I often tell my “male” friends I am the easiest person in the world to lie to. I don’t expect it, anticipate it or accept it. Because I would not do that to them, should they make the grave error of attempting to play me for a fool, I always, ALWAYS find out. Not because I check phones or Facebook. But because my intuition will place me in the exact place they don’t want me in – the one where they are doing their dirt. I would say I trust this process, but I have no control over it in any way. However, my mate controls it 100% When they do dirt, I am led to find it. I don’t HAVE to look – but I will See.
2) You will be a better person, and so will they.
Who needs to waste time arguing about stupid shit that won’t matter tomorrow. If you lay your foundation in honesty and integrity, they already KNOW what you will and won’t put up with. There is no need to test the boundaries, because the boundaries have been placed. While they can shift, in no way should you ever put your integrity on the line because of a relationship. No self respecting man will ask you to.
3) Exceed your own expectations.
Be brave and bold. Offer to do more than you are comfortable with. How else will you grow? Expect more, but don’t believe that mind reading trick will work with all men. It works with mine because I choose men who honor their intuitive hunches, and roll with it. However, in all fairness, if there is something specific I need or want I ASK FOR IT! Let your mate decide if this is something they can or cannot do – and listen when they tell you why. Because trust, if they are letting you down, they want you to know why.
4) Be honest about what you want and WHY.
Many women wish to be married but WHY? Is it because you have always “dreamed” of your wedding day? Wake the fuck up! Life is not a fairy tale and you will be marrying a real person. If you are only marrying them to get the wedding of your dreams, you may wake up to the worst possible person for you. While many women feel justified in “running things” a home works best when you are both on the same page and neither of you are in “control”. Control is not a word that should be used in conjunction with a loving relationship. If I have to tell you what to do, when to get home, how to dress, how much you can spend, I will have another child. I am looking for a whole human. Or at least one that is grown enough to know what to do without being told.
5) Show respect.
This applies to you and your partner. Respect yourself that you would not have a knockdown drag out fight in the middle of the street. Fighting, unfortunately goes with the territory. Somedays, I am just not the one to be fucked with and I am sure most of us have those days. The trick is to be honest about the space you are in. You will be surprised that people WILL leave you alone if you give them a heads up. It is cowardly to attack another because you are having a bad day. You won’t feel any better and you will have just one more mess to clean up.
My title 1+1 = More has to do with the couples who have successfully managed to find the one person who has the capability and ability to bring out their best “self” I will explore some of those relationship next month as well as how I choose those couples.
Have an amazing January and a most blessed 2016!
Michelle D. Smith
Michelle D. Smith is a visionary and spiritual warrior seeking to share awareness with many. She uses words as her sword and the love and grace of God as her shield. She has a spiritual blog in which to enlighten and uplift. She is a soon to be published author and a monthly relationship column on Black Refer.com. The different niches for each allow her to reach a variety of people to amuse, entertain and inspire.
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