General Information   How to deal with jealousy


"Sorry, but I don't need part time people in my life. You're either with me or you're not. You can't just come and go as you please."~Unknown

Jealousy is an age old issue that usually rears its ugly head just when things are going very well for you. This can manifest as the catty girlfriend, who no longer is supportive after you find your dream man or get that promotion you have worked so hard for.

It shows up when an insecure man feels he has to have all your time, attention and love, like there is not more than enough of you to go around.

So, how do you deal with this problem?

Michelle D. Smith
The girlfriend may be the easiest to address. First, as friends you should try to find out exactly what the real issue is. Could be she does not feel you will make your friendship with her a priority, especially if you are getting married. She could also be bitter because it is you and not her. Here is where I find a difference. A friend who is afraid that you will no longer be friends is still your friend. She may have legitimate concerns over the loss of intimacy and friendship with you – because now you will have someone else in which to share and confide. Should that be the case then addresses her fears. If you are and have been a woman who drops her female friends as soon as a man looks her way, her fears – displayed as jealousy are well founded by your past behavior. Own up to your past actions as a factor and decide if you even want to have female friends. Just know that many women, me included, do not take this lightly. You only get one time to kick me to the curb for a man. After that you are not worth my time and no, I will go out for drinks or dinner after he has broken up with you- or vice versa.

Now if your friend is bitter, then maybe that is really not your friend. As a friend, her job is to be supportive and share in your happiness. She(or he) should be able to feel joy for you as a friend for whatever it is you have accomplished. When this is not the case, that person does not deserve your friendship or your time.

Insecure men are a different issue. Most insecurity involves control issues. These can manifest as frequent calls to check in or checking the odometer to see how far you drive daily. The worst case is the man as abuser. But it can take milder forms than that and be just as devastating. It is truly draining to have to defend your every move. WHY should you have to? Are you that desperate, that lonely that you don’t get that this is not normal? No one has the right to question your actions or what it is you have stated you did (or did not do).

So, when you see the very FIRST signs of this behavior, it is your job to nip it in the bud. It is not cute, it does not mean that they “love you”. It means they want to control you-be in charge of your life. Guess what? You have God in charge of your life – a mere mortal is not enough, or should not be enough to make you feel you owe them any explanation.

Now bear in mind, I am not talking about a weekend trip away without telling your significant other you have plans with the girls or whatever. I am talking about going to the store or just running errands and having to answer the phone several times to “check in”. Nope, not gonna do it. This is your life- ACT like you know and stop giving away your power and your joy.

Michelle D. Smith

Michelle D. Smith is a visionary who seeks to share her knowledge with others. Showing how to use both spiritual and social skills in being a better you is her goal. Acknowledging the fact that most are searching for both truth and companionship, she seeks to bridge those "needs" with honesty, humor and creativity. Join me on this quest for the "new". A new way of thinking, growing, loving and sharing.

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