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    Three Leadership Lessons From “The Boss” By Mario Moussa and Derek Newberry


    If you want to learn invaluable lessons about leading people, you don’t need to look any further than Bruce Springsteen's recently published memoir, Born to Run. This is a rock star with substance. He can help raise your game, whether you are an entrepreneur, CEO of a Fortune 500 company, or – dare we say it? – a politician campaigning to run the most powerful country in the world.

    They call him “The Boss” for a reason. Springsteen knows how to launch a start-up operation from scratch, assess his strengths and limitations with bracing honesty, and create an inspirational vision. He’s known for his ability to speak to the American worker, but he has plenty to teach business and political leaders, too. Here’s three important lessons:

    1. Experiment With Your Passion

    It happened in a record store, when Springsteen saw “THE HAIR.” It adorned the four mop-top musicians on the cover of Meet the Beatles. He embraced the look -- a vision, if you like, in business terms -- and decided to create a band in the mold of the Fab Four. But the Boss wasn’t made over night. As with any startup, it took years of hard work and experimentation for Springsteen to become a household name.

    Early in his "launch" phase, he dedicated himself to two basic tasks. He honed his craft and built a team.

    Springsteen learned to love performance at the local YMCA, where, as a young Catholic-school boy, he had the rare opportunity to do the Twist with public-school girls. But soon he found his true calling as a rock-and-roller and learned how to let his fingers do the dancing on the frets. He was nothing if not disciplined, memorizing the licks of the best guitarists on the local scene and practicing until his “fingertips were as hard as an armadillo’s shell.”

    A rocker needs a band, of course, and Springsteen searched for years until he found the musicians who together could tell his distinctive story. The unflagging effort produced a group that ultimately included guitarist Steve Van Zandt, saxophonist Clarence Clemmons, and the other artists who had just the right mix of sound, talent, personality, and image.

    Sure, Springsteen had something to say, but he experimented, made mistakes, regrouped, and worked like crazy for years before he learned how to communicate it. Take note, would-be leaders: there are no short-cuts to realizing your vision.

    2. Know Thyself

    Ancient philosophers and successful rock stars know how important it is to “know thyself.” For Springsteen, that meant acknowledging he didn’t have much of a voice. He realized that, for him “to sell you what you’re buying,” he would have to do it all: “write, arrange, play, perform and, yes, sing to the best of my ability.”

    Like Springsteen, management expert Jim Collins has learned that great leaders “confront the brutal facts.” For example, mutual fund tycoon Charles Schwab, who is dyslexic, recalls of his college days: “Some of the most brilliant people at Stanford . . . had no clue about how to get out of a wet paper bag socially. In my case, I knew I wasn’t that smart, in English anyway. But I’ve always felt that I had very strong conceptual abilities. I could imagine things much faster than some other people who were stuck thinking sequentially.” Springsteen, for his part, recounts that his “vocal imperfections” only inspired him to work harder on his writing and performing.

    We all operate to some degree with what psychologist Shelley E. Taylor calls “positive illusions.” In other words, we think we’re just a little more talented than we actually are, and usually this self-deception helps us get by. But it is counter-productive if you want to perform at the highest levels. As Springsteen observes, “the sound in your head has little to do with how you actually sound.” For him, a tape recorder served the function of a “bullshit detector.”

    To be your best – as a communicator or team leader -- you’ll need your own detector.

    3. Become the Person You Want to Be

    In a recent interview, NPR’s Terry Gross asks Springsteen if he ever thought about the fact that “many people really wanted to be you.” He responds: “I had plenty of days where I'd go, "Man, I wish I could be that guy."

    Is Springsteen admitting to being inauthentic on stage? Hardly. He is recognizing that a performance of any kind is all about being on stage. When you run a meeting, deliver a speech, or give feedback, you are on stage, performing. In other words, it takes discipline – professionalism and commitment – to communicate and connect; it involves consciously playing the right role, whether it be rock star, business leader, or president. Yes, you have to “confront the brutal facts about yourself,” but then you have to work with your limitations to get people to buy into your vision.

    GE’s CEO Jeff Immelt once said: “Leadership is an intense journey into yourself.” Born To Run is an account of one such journey, which led Bruce from Colts Neck, New Jersey to becoming “The Boss.” We would be thankful if all of our leaders – corporate as well as political – were willing to walk a similar path.

    Dr. Mario Moussa and Dr. Derek Newberry are the authors of Committed Teams: Three Steps to Inspiring Passion and Performance. Dr. Moussa teaches in the Executive Programs at Wharton School of Executive Education. Dr. Newberry is a lecturer at the Wharton School. Connect with Dr. Moussa at www.moussaconsulting.com, and with Dr. Newberry via Twitter, @derekonewberry.


    ooOoo


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    5 Ways to Regain Confidence & Courageousness When the Going Gets Tough

    Achievement Against-the-Odds: America’s leading expert on helping individuals live ‘the best season of their life,’ DeLores Pressley, helping others become bold, confident and courageous enough to break through barriers and overcome obstacles to achieve any professional & personal endeavor


     DeLores Pressley


    Plus-size modeling mogul turned international speaking industry powerhouse and author DeLores Pressley knows the pain and disappointment of rejection and judgements based solely on her appearance, both professionally and personally—she lived it time and time again. But, rather than allowing the numerous barrier-inducing critics of her plus-size shape define who she was, how she would live her life, and what measure of success and happiness she could achieve, DeLores chose to face what she regards as, “that cold winter season” head on, turning what others had deemed as challenges into the very assets that would help her realize tremendous success in all aspects of her life.

    Not only did DeLores embrace her appearance and excel as a plus-sized model, she was emboldened enough to help others do the same by becoming President of Dimensions Plus Model Agency—a firm representing over 100 models, placing them with premier fashion retailers such as Nordstrom, Lane Bryant, Just My Size, Dillard’s, and Liz Claiborne. And, she didn’t stop there as DeLores also became the founder of the Plus USA Women Beauty Pageant and Convention, providing an opportunity for hundreds of women to achieve the dreams she herself accomplished. She’s since established herself as a six-figure international speaker who has shared the platform with A-Listers the likes of OPRAH, Zig Ziglar, Les Brown, and Retired U.S. Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor.

    It’s abundantly clear DeLores has had the last laugh amid the glut of naysayers who would otherwise have cut her extraordinary “larger than life” success story far short based merely on her appearance. She learned to thrive in every proverbial “season” of her life despite the trials and tribulations that presented. Unfortunately, the sad reality is that untold millions of other women and men, alike, are suffering setbacks based on their own “limitations,” whether real or perceived.

     author DeLores Pressley


    “Life is best described metaphorically as continuously transitioning through each of the four seasons: Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall,” DeLores notes. “Truly successful people are not those who try to avoid certain seasons, but rather are those who choose to embrace, overcome, and thrive as they seamlessly flow between seasons, regardless of how long or difficult each one may be. And, successful people don’t just overcome the difficult season of winter, but actually thrive during the harsh cold; they also blossom throughout the spring; reap a lush harvest during the summer; and adequately prepare for the fall and winter that inevitably follow. Such cyclical expectations and preparations are mindsets that are key to sustained and ‘against the odds’ success.”

    As America’s leading expert on helping individuals live “the best season of their life,” DeLores now teaches others how to be bold, confident and courageous—no matter what “season” they themselves are in—to overcome obstacles and excel.

    With this in mind, here are five tips from DeLores on how to be confident and courageous through every season of your own life:

  1. Fuel future successes with past achievements. It's easy to feel like a failure after a particularly harsh setback and even the most empowered of us can, at times, doubt ourselves. However, no matter where you are in your career or life, you have undoubtedly done something that has made an impact. For instance, I had a client who was having suicidal thoughts and I talked her out of being suicidal. This had a tremendous ripple effect as everyone positively impacted by her is a result of the conversation we had to keep her alive. If I’m not proud of anything else, I can be proud of that and realize if I’ve had one success I can have others. You need to take the same mentality. Not every past achievement needs to be as profound as saving a life but find those times you made a difference in the world and know that you can do it again.


  2. Regularly invest in "The Power of You." Do you ever get to the end of the day, week, month or even year and feel like you haven't accomplished anything? Chances are you've accomplished much more than you realize but without any tangible, physical evidence it can be difficult to bring those accomplishments to mind. A great way to create a visual bank of your accomplishments is to make deposits in what I call, “The Power of You Jar.” Every time you accomplish something or do something good, write it down on a slip of paper and put it in a jar. Watching that jar fill up is empowering. Then any time you’re feeling bad or doubting yourself, just reach into the jar and get that reminder of what you’ve already accomplished.


  3. Channel your inner prize fighter. You can learn a lot from boxers. They spend three minutes fighting each round and 60 to 90 seconds resting. During that time in between rounds they are getting refueled, receiving advice, and getting encouragement. They have a whole training team that is supporting them and speaking life into them. Could you imagine how disastrous it would be if their trainer said, “You're going to lose” or, “You should quit”? Any doubt during a fight could lead to a knock out. Yet we allow negative people in our corners all the time - people who are not encouraging and people who don’t help us. Is it any wonder we are getting knocked down? When channeling your inner prize fighter, it's important to not only come out of your corner swinging but when you're resting and rebuilding in between rounds, make sure the people with you are truly in your corner.


  4. Cease self-doubt with an actual "Stop" sign. If there's one piece of self-help advice you've heard ad nauseam, it's probably, "Don’t speak or think negatively." Wonderful advice but for many, it can be next to impossible to follow. Even if you've attended the most incredible motivational seminar or are pumped up from a motivational book or video, the principles you've learned and the changes you want to make often quickly fade in following weeks or months. An effective way to keep that motivational level up and to make those changes stick is to use visual cues. For instance, if you want to stop thinking negatively, get an actual stop sign - it doesn't have to be full sized, just big enough to be a reminder. Put it in your office, your bedroom, or wherever it needs to be visible. Then any time you are doubting yourself, you can SEE the stop sign and this will be the reminder to hit the brakes and get back on track.


  5. Don’t outsource your success. In an era where outsourcing is very popular, everything from manufacturing jobs to administrative duties are being outsourced. One thing you must not outsource is your success. If you have achieved something, surmounted an obstacle, or had any sort of triumph, take credit for it. If you find yourself saying, "It was nothing," or "I didn't really do much," people will believe it. This doesn't mean suddenly become a glory hog but it does mean take credit where credit is due. Allow yourself to be seen as successful and you will feel successful, too.


  6. Some “winter seasons” in your life will be more challenging than others. The best way to get through those inevitable cold, harsh days is to take stock and give yourself credit for what you've already accomplished, surround yourself with people who support you, stop negative thinking at its onset, and allow yourself to acknowledge and enjoy present, in-the-moment pleasures. Doing so will give you the motivation and fire you need to be confident and courageous to work through any difficult season.

    International Keynote Motivational Speaker, Executive Life Coach and Author DeLores Pressley is dedicated to helping people take action to launch bold, confident and courageous lives. She is the CEO of DeLores Pressley Worldwide and Founder of the Global Up Woman™ Network—a movement to empower and elevate women in business. She may be reached online at www.delorespressley.com. Those interested in her Speaker Success Summits specifically may reach her at www.launchlivesummit.com.


    ooOoo


    Disclaimer:
    The articles on this website are provided as a community service for information purposes only. BlackRefer.com does not accept any responsibility or liability for the use or misuse of the above article content. Use this information with caution and at your own risk.

    No Implied Endorsement:
    BlackRefer.com does not endorse or recommend any article on this site or any product, service or information found within said articles. The views and opinions of the authors who have submitted articles to BlackRefer.com belong to them alone and do not necessarily reflect the views of BlackRefer.com. Resources/links that may be included in said articles are only suggested as sources for the reader to explore but we can't confirm or take responsibility for it's accurateness.








    5 Ways to Simplify Your Day & Get More Done

    By Johan Gunnars, CEO & Co-Founder of Simpliday


    Nowadays, most kids—and maybe some adults—probably don’t recognize the old tradition of tying a string around your finger to remind yourself of something important. That’s because reminders, while still as valuable as ever, have evolved with technology (in most cases, for the better). However, even with all the tech options we have to help us remember things today, it can often still feel like daily life isn’t getting any easier or simpler. So where are we going wrong?

    The truth is that creating and using reminders is an art—and doing it well is the key to simplifying and empowering your day. Here are 5 ways to get more out of every reminder you make.

    1. Write it down
    Research shows that just by writing down your goals you are 42 percent more likely to achieve them. While many of us may have graduated from string tying to long, oftentimes meandering trails of Post-it® notes to take us from task to task, there’s definitely a better way. Put your notes where you’re always bound to see them, on something you carry around with you everywhere and check all the time: your calendar on your phone. That way, you’ll have a timely reference wherever you are, whenever you need it, and you’ll avoid wasting time or energy in the form of missed or duplicated tasks.

    2. Be specific
    How many times have you left yourself a note and been too vague for your own good? You might be trying to simplify things for yourself by taking the shorthand route to your reminders, but after a few days or weeks have gone by, there’s a good chance you won’t remember what an unclear note like “return call” was in reference to. Make things easier on yourself by doing the initial work to be as specific as possible—include location details, links, or attachments to relevant documents so your reminders are as helpful as possible. This tiny extra effort will simplify things for you and pay off in the long run.

    3. Share the love
    Sometimes teamwork is the best way to remember something important and get things done. Indeed, 70 percent of people who sent weekly updates to a friend reported successful goal achievement—and that’s compared to 35 percent of those who kept their goals to themselves! Whenever possible, share your reminders with other relevant parties; it will not only help keep your tasks top of mind, it will improve communication and collaboration which, of course, makes everything simpler.

    4. Don’t be too ambitious
    The keyword here is simplicity, and it’s important to be mindful of that when you’re planning your day. I’ve spoken before about the perils of multitasking, and the same is true of trying to pack too many reminders into one day. This is the reason syncing your reminders and calendar together is so important: having a visual representation of all the things you want or need to stay aware of will also help you to prioritize what’s most important; everything that can wait until another day, should.


    Establishing a routine is a great way to help us prioritize the things in our lives that need our attention. It’s the reason Steve Jobs infamously wore the same outfit every day—one less decision to make in a day full of intensive decision-making. However, we all lead complicated lives that can often blow our cherished routines into little bits. And that’s okay—as long as you’re prepared. Make sure to find a solution that adapts the way your life moves, and empowers you with the ability to easily move things around when you need to. That will help to ensure that you can easily get your routine back on track if it happens to be derailed.

    Reminders may seem like the perfect way to simplify and organize our lives, but we often make them ineffective by trying to do too much. After all, anybody who’s downloaded an independent reminder app—to go along with their calendar app, note-taking app, checklist app, and email app—knows the true cost of so-called organization. While these apps may all live on your phone, accessing and coordinating between them all can seem like a full-time job (and there’s nothing less simple or more stressful than that!). When it comes to the life-simplifying powers of reminders, remember this: they should help rather than hinder. These 5 tips will help ensure that your reminders live up to their potential.

    About the Author
    Johan Gunnars is an entrepreneur and CEO and co-founder of Simpliday—Meetings, Reminders & Email in One, a new iPhone calendar app allowing users to achieve a more organized and efficient life by bringing together meetings, reminders and email in one customizable, beautiful, user-friendly app. Gunnars experience in productivity, software, e-commerce, consumer electronics, among others, leads him to focus on how companies and products can make a difference while connecting to the overall vision and strategy. Gunnars is based in Malmo, Sweden. For more information about Gunnars and Simpliday, visit Simpliday.


    ooOoo


    Disclaimer:
    The articles on this website are provided as a community service for information purposes only. BlackRefer.com does not accept any responsibility or liability for the use or misuse of the above article content. Use this information with caution and at your own risk.

    No Implied Endorsement:
    BlackRefer.com does not endorse or recommend any article on this site or any product, service or information found within said articles. The views and opinions of the authors who have submitted articles to BlackRefer.com belong to them alone and do not necessarily reflect the views of BlackRefer.com. Resources/links that may be included in said articles are only suggested as sources for the reader to explore but we can't confirm or take responsibility for it's accurateness.








    Turning Off Stress By Inviting Tranquility And Inspiration In With The Simple Act Of Coloring


    Deerfield Beach, FL, July 7, 2016 - Just when a sympathetic heart seems like it can't take anymore, reach for something to help quiet the mind and ease the soul. Inkspirations coloring books for adults offer a way to turn off negativity while healing the spirit. Art therapy has long proven its effects as an aid in emotional and mental restoration, and it is not news that coloring as active meditation reduces stress and quiets thoughts. However, from the original publishers of Chicken Soup for the Soul now comes a line of coloring books ready to encourage, inspire, and help worries fade.

    Whether coloring with friends, family, or on your own, it doesn't take much to color your day a little brighter. With moving quotes alongside unique and graceful images, Inkspirations coloring books include a wide array of themes to help express creativity and enjoy therapy through coloring. To start overcoming heartache, releasing tensions, and building positive energy, readers can visit the new Inkspirations website, www.Inkspirations.com.

    The website is a reader's portal to a more colorful world, giving a peek at the wide spread of unique pages Inkspirations has to offer, and some highly anticipated releases.

    On coloring lists now:

    * Inkspirations in the Garden (June 2016)

    Anyone blessed with a green thumb knows that a garden is nature's haven, and when properly tended can transform a patch of ground into a place of splendor that abounds with intoxicating colors, scents, and wildlife. Inkspirations in the Garden celebrates gardens in all their glory, from images of delightful cottage gardens to well-manicured rose gardens, from lush tropical gardens to relaxing Zen gardens. The original designs feature exquisite floral patterns to color and customize, plus heartwarming scenes of loveable backyard critters, like ladybugs and bumblebees, and even the squirrels and rabbits who sometimes become our garden nemeses. Inkspirations in the Garden pays homage to those who make weeds into wonders and have been enriched by gardening's lessons about a life well-tended and nurtured. Please visit: http://amzn.to/21nxZQS

    * Inkspirations Animal Kingdom (June 2016)

    For coloring enthusiasts looking for inspiration, nature provides a dazzling array of colors and patterns – the bold black stripes on a tiger's back, the kaleidoscope of teals in a peacock's plumes, the fiery orange of a fox's coat, or the rainbow of colors in a macaw's feathers. Now you can add your own burst of color with Inkspirations Animal Kingdom, which showcases more than thirty beautifully detailed designs of a menagerie of animals large and small. Paired with inspiring quotes and heartfelt lessons we humans can learn from our animal counterparts, this book will uplift and inspire whether you are an avid colorist or an armchair explorer. For information, please visit: http://amzn.to/1Q6oUen

    Also see www.Inkspirations.com for:

    • Inkspirations for Women (March 2016)
    • Inkspirations for Recovery (February 2016)

    Coloring to come:

    * Inkspirations for a Happy Heart (June 2016)

    Sharing more than 30 original designs to make your own, plus motivating mantras to help you relax, unwind, and greet each day with renewed optimism and creative energy. Whether you're new to coloring or a gel-pen aficionado, you may have already admired the artistic creations of Diane Yi, whose stunning artwork has been shared, pinned, or colored around the world. With Diane's style of intricate details with exquisite flourishes, Inkspirations for a Happy Heart provides a perfect canvas that will inspire you to color your world a little brighter. Please see: http://amzn.to/28G4xLo

    * Inkspirations for Cat Lovers (July 2016)

    Cats are curious, regal, intelligent, and playful. They oblige us humans by allowing us to share our lives and hearts with them. Inkspirations for Cat Lovers celebrates the magic, mystery, and merriment of cats throughout the seasons, from Siamese to the Sphynx, Abyssinians to Persians, Maine Coons to calicos, and more. From long-haired to short-haired and everything in between, you will find more than 30 original designs that celebrate the many ways in which cats bring joy (and fur!) into our lives. Inkspirations for Cat Lovers is a fitting tribute to our whiskered companions who color our world brighter every day. Please see: http://amzn.to/1PuN3G7




    The articles on this website are provided for information purposes only. BlackRefer.com does not accept any responsibility or liability for the use or misuse of the article content on this site or reliance by any person on the site's contents.

    No Implied Endorsement:
    BlackRefer.com does not endorse or recommend any article on this site or any product, service or information found within said articles. The views and opinions of the authors who have submitted articles to BlackRefer.com belong to them alone and do not necessarily reflect the views of BlackRefer.com.





    Becoming A Sage: What Young Americans Can Learn From The Wisdom Of Their Elders

    "Courageous, transparent, and insightful. Here is a memoir of a different and delightful sort. From an early onset storyteller through challenges, successes, and failures, Sharon emerges as an elder who is aging consciously and positively—an authentic sage. Reading Sharon's memoir is like sitting with her, sipping tea, and being in the presence of incarnate wisdom and inspiration.” – Jack Williamson, chaplain, Colonel, USAF (Ret), co-facilitator, Boulder, Colorado, chapter of Sage-ing International


    Boulder, CO, April 29, 2016 - The force is with Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse in her latest book Becoming A Sage: Discovering Life's Lessons, One Story at a Time (HCI Books -- $15.95). As a framework for gaining wisdom, Wegscheider-Cruse reveals the secret elements that give power to becoming a "human 'being' rather than a human 'doing'.”

    "Sages are powerful and wise…Sages take their earned wisdom and manifest it in their outer worlds…”

    Confined into a two-part book, Wegscheider-Cruse generously offers lessons she has learned from her personal experiences from the early years to the golden years and ends with a finishing touch on the essentials of being a sage. This book is purposed to encourage everyone to reflect their own experiences, write them down and rather than ignoring them, share them over and over again. Becoming A Sage is a blueprint for the world to share their experiences. "When we have meetings of sages, imagine the wisdom shared!”

    In part one, Wegscheider-Cruse shares short, clipped memories of her own life journey—"the deep lows, the soaring highs, the mundane and the magnificent.” In a cozy storytelling manner, she builds a relationship with her readers as if they were her very own child. Each short story is accompanied with the lesson she learned from that moment in her life.

    "Transformation is the path to becoming a sage… We are never finished products; each time we add new learning to what we know, we become wiser…It is important that our stories do not wither and die with us.”

    Part two briefly and concisely defines what a sage is and how to become one. With nurturing precision, each sentence in part two offers clarity on how an individual fulfills their life's purpose. "Experience. Glean wisdom. Transform. Change... We transform as we fully experience life.”

    Highlights from the book of Sage qualities include:

  • Think clearly. They are not overwhelmed or scattered.
  • Work out problems. They don't stay stuck or confused.
  • Make decisions. They don't procrastinate or waver.
  • Make things happen. They know someday is now.
  • Influence events. They are leaders rather that followers.
  • Win the respect of others. They don't demand it.
  • Take charge of a situation. They don't wait needlessly.
  • Have a vision and carry it out. They don't accept current circumstances.
  • Be a force that unifies. They are creators, not destroyers.


  • The short stories, the lessons learned and the wisdom given in Becoming A Sage helps the reader to find tranquility as they examine their own life. This is a book to pay attention to for many generations to come, as wisdom is always timeless. This book will never leave the reader's bookshelf, and just might have sitting next to it a collection of the reader's own short stories and life lessons.

    About the Author:
    Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse is the founding Chairperson of the National Association of Children of Alcoholics, and founder of Onsite Workshops. She has brought hope and healing to millions as an author, counselor, trainer, consultant, and lecturer. She has written 18 books translated into 13 languages, and broke ground and fostered a movement with her works, Another Chance: Hope and Health for the Alcoholic Family and Learning to Love Yourself. Sharon has traveled the world and developed programs in the United States, Europe, Australia, and Canada, and has appeared on The Phil Donahue Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show, and The Larry King Show, as well as in multiple media events.

    Available wherever books are sold or to order directly from the publisher, contact: www.hcibooks.com or (800) 441-5569 Becoming a Sage: Discovering Life's Lessons, One Story at a Time

    ISBN: 978-0-7573-1904-4
    $15.95
    February 2016


    The articles on this website are provided for information purposes only. BlackRefer.com does not accept any responsibility or liability for the use or misuse of the article content on this site or reliance by any person on the site's contents.

    No Implied Endorsement:
    BlackRefer.com does not endorse or recommend any article on this site or any product, service or information found within said articles. The views and opinions of the authors who have submitted articles to BlackRefer.com belong to them alone and do not necessarily reflect the views of BlackRefer.com.





    The 5 Secret Habits of Successful People

    by Regan Hillyer


    Successful people often get the question: “What is the secret to success?” Which is usually followed up by, “There is no secret to success, just work hard.”

    Although you do need to put in the work, there is a “secret” series of things that all successful people do in order to create massive results through every area of their life.

    It is true that success does not happen overnight. Instead, success is created through daily actions and habits that eventually compound over time, resulting in the outcomes that you desire. Where you are right now in your life is simply the sum total of all of your decisions and actions that have compounded, resulting in the life that you are living now.

    Too many people leave this world with dreams trapped within them, with goals they haven’t achieved and with regrets that they wanted to do more things that made them happy. If more people knew and applied the five secret habits of successful people, there would be so many more people who would be leading happier, more fulfilled lives!

    Regardless of whether you are in a job and want to quit your job, whether you desire to have long lasting relationships, if you are working on sculpting your ideal body, or whether you are looking to take your finances to the next level, these five secret habits of successful people are applicable to achieving success that you are looking to create in any area of your life.

    Secret Habit #1: Decide On What You Desire

    The first habit that successful people have when it comes to creating their success is that they always decide on what it is that they want. If you are not seeing the results you desire in your life right now, chances are, you may not have actually made a solid decision on exactly what it is that you want!

    The decision is not a vague one of “I want to create success” or, “I want to earn more money”. Instead, it is a decision of total clarity and detail. For example, the decision you may make look like, “I want to create an extra $40,000 in cash savings in the next 12 months starting from .”

    As a part of making the decision, successful people then also specify exactly how the result will be measured. For example, “I will know when I have achieved this goal of creating an extra $40,000 in cash savings because I can log into my internet backing on and see that the balance has increased by over $40,000USD or more since . Sit down right now and get completely clear on the decisions you need to make in every every of your life, in order to achieve what you desire. Don’t forget to also include how you are going to measure when the result is achieved!

    Secret Habit #2: Obsess Over What You Want

    Now that you have started creating the habit of deciding exactly what you desire to achieve in your life, the next habit to start creating is turning your focus to your desired result. In other words, begin obsessing about it!

    Your thoughts control your actions, which then control your results. If you can train yourself to think more regularly, precisely and vividly about exactly what you’ve decided that you desire, you will notice yourself taking more action daily. That will get you on the path to creating the results you’re after! It sounds easy, focusing your thoughts more on what you want… Yet, in the busy world we live in, people can find this quite challenging!

    Some great ways to trigger your thoughts to focus in on what you want, more regularly are below:

    Save your desired result or goal as a screensaver on your phone and on your computer. Trust me, you will glance at it often! As a result, you will trigger thoughts that get you thinking and obsessing over the goal that you desire. Set an alarm on your phone for every 2 or 3 hours and when the alarm goes off, simply think about what you desire. Get into the state of imagining what it will be like when you have already achieved your goal. The greater the emotional charge associated with connecting to the goal, the more thoughts you will have, and the more action you will take and the faster you will see results!

    Secret Habit #3: Remove Your Internal Blocks And Limits

    The next habit that all successful people know and understand they need to create is having the ability to work on their own success mindset. Everyone creates blocks and limits internally in their own mind, which can quickly bring their results and their success to a standing hold! Examples of internal blocks and limits that so many people deal with are: a lack of self belief, fears, negative self talk and self sabotaging thoughts.

    Remember from Secret 2 that your thoughts determine your actions which then determine your results and your level of success. So if you have negative thoughts that are creeping in while you are trying to focus on the goal that you decided on, it can dramatically slow down your results.

    Here’s what you need to know. It is normal to have internal blocks and limits. Regardless of how successful you are right now, you will still have internal blocks and limits pop up that you need to learn how to deal with. Many people believe that once you reach a certain level of success, you become bulletproof, and no longer deal with things like fear and self doubt. When really, it is the opposite. Often, there are more internal blocks as you’re making progress, but successful people are simply more practiced at overcoming the internal blocks and working out how to move through them.

    If you’re not sure if you have internal blocks and limits then understand this: If you didn’t have any internal blocks, then you would have everything you desire in your life already. The next time internal blocks and limits show up for you, the first key to overcoming them is to actually acknowledge them. Catch the fear or the negative self talk or the self sabotaging thoughts and recognize them as the blocks that they are.

    The next thing to do is to ask yourself, if I was to achieve the goal that I decided on, what is the worst thing that is going to happen? Be real with yourself here in assessing the situation. Fear for example, is created in order to keep yourself safe. Once you realize that you will still be safe when achieving your goal (even though it may still seem scary), you are able to move past the fear. You may still feel the fear, but not in a way where it blocks you and consumes you to the point of inaction.

    Make a list right now of all of the internal blocks and limits you have right now when you think about achieving your goal. Be aware of what comes up for you and make a note of this.

    For example, “I’m scared of how it’s going to happen”, is a fear.
    “I’m not sure that I can do it”, is self doubt.
    “Nothing I do ever worked out, why should I bother with this”, is negative self talk.

    Then start asking yourself, what’s the worst thing that’s going to happen and make a list of all of that. When you realize that the worst case scenario isn’t actually that bad, it will be much easier to move forward!

    Secret Habit #4: Shortcut Your Success

    Have you noticed that when successful people start doing something or say they’re going to do something, often it happens really fast for them? Now instead of sitting back and saying “Oh that’s just because they’re them.” Or, “They’re so lucky, everything always works out for them”, have you stopped to think that maybe they know something that you don’t?

    One of the biggest secret habits that successful people have is simply this: They understand and know how to shortcut their success and wherever they can, the find the fastest way to their desired goal. Successful people are always looking for the fastest way to get from where they are, to where they desire to be, and they are willing to do whatever it takes to get there (we’ll talk about that next!).

    Have you thought about how it is that a successful person can go from one industry to another, without any prior experience in that industry and still get results? Or, they have great results training their body, and they also seem to have a great relationship and a profitable business? This is not happening by luck or chance, successful people are simply applying the same secret habit across various different areas of their life.

    Here’s how successful people shortcut their success:

    Successful people have a deep understanding of exactly where they currently are. Let’s call this Point A. They are real with themselves and the results they are currently receiving with where they’re at (good at bad!). Successful people are crystal clear on exactly where they want to be. Let’s call this Point B. They can see it, with total clarity and they understand why they want to be at that next level.

    Then successful people do whatever it takes to find the person who is at their Point B or, who have the strategy to get them to their Point B. What happens next is, successful people ask the person at Point B: How did they get there? What steps did they take? How did they condition their mindset? How did they overcome the blocks and the limits?. They then apply the knowledge and the strategy to their own life so they can accelerate their own results.

    Next time you look at a successful person, don’t assume they’re completely self-made. Successful people are very good at leveraging other people’s knowledge, results and experiences in order to accelerate their own results! For example, if a successful person decided to run a marathon for the first time, they wouldn’t just battle it out and hope for the best. They would find a training that specializes in helping people run marathons, or they’d find a marathon runner and take advice from them.

    Or, if they wanted to grow their income in their business from $100,000 per year to $500,000 per year, they would find the right business coach that either had the result, or had helped many people create the result that they desired, and they would learn from them. It’s a simple concept, but a well kept secret habit of successful people that you can easily apply in your own life right away! Sit down and make a list of all the people who you know who could help accelerate your results, or, all of the people that you could seek out and get to know that could help you reach your goals faster. Contact them, learn from them, and watch your success compound rapidly!

    Secret Habit #5: Take Massive Daily Action

    Last but certainly not least, one of the most important things that all successful people do is that they take massive action. Successful people decide what they want, condition their mind to obsess over it, move past their internal blocks and limits, short cut their success and then they take massive action, daily. If you cultivate the previous four secret habits but don’t get into a habit of taking massive daily action, you’ll find that your success won’t happen as quickly as you like.

    The key to this secret habit is that the massive action is taken daily. It is consistent, and it happens no matter what. Unsuccessful people tend to take massive action in bursts, in fits and starts and they do not condition themselves to take the action daily. Let's take going to the gym for example. If someone says, “I want to get fit lose 11 pounds” and they then take action and go to the gym, the action often looks like a 3 mile run that day. Bear in mind that they haven’t run or exercised in over a year and they wake up the next morning with their body aching, so much so that they don’t go back to the gym. Then, before they know it, it’s been a week since they went to the gym and they’re not seeing results.

    The successful person understands that their action needs to be daily. It needs to happen consistently so they ensure that they don’t burn out on day one or week one. Instead, the successful person would start just with half a mile and slightly increase the distance every day. This way, over time they had worked up to 3 miles, shifted the weight and had the desired result through taking massive action, daily. At the end of the day, successful people are just people, who have chosen to focus their time and energy on upleveling the results in their life. Now that you know the 5 secret habits of successful people, there is nothing stopping you applying these and becoming just as successful as the people you admire, if not even more successful!

    For more information, go to: www.reganhillyer.com


    The articles on this website are provided for information purposes only. BlackRefer.com does not accept any responsibility or liability for the use or misuse of the article content on this site or reliance by any person on the site's contents.

    No Implied Endorsement:
    BlackRefer.com does not endorse or recommend any article on this site or any product, service or information found within said articles. The views and opinions of the authors who have submitted articles to BlackRefer.com belong to them alone and do not necessarily reflect the views of BlackRefer.com.





    Three Ways Highly Successful People Define Success & How It Will Change Your Perspective

    So you ate that holiday cookie! Then what? By Susan Ford Collins


    Did you eat all the rest and abandon your diet? And have more the next day?

    Whether it's a cookie, a lost sale, or a bitter dose of negative feedback, the same result occurs all too often… one mistake and people tell themselves, “I can't. I quit.”

    Highly successful people aren’t perfect either, but the big difference is… they don’t expect to be! They give themselves permission to make mistakes and experience setbacks. Then, instead of spiraling down into lethargy and depression, they take a deep breath, figure out what they learned (like… when you’re famished, don’t stand next to a platter of cookies at a party! Post yourself near the veggies and cold cuts.) Then HSPs re-focus on their outcome and keep going.

    What successes have you had? And where do you store them?

    In a drawer, scrapbook or old cigar box? Here’s a secret I learned by observing Highly Successful People (HSPs) for 20 years. HSPs have a Success File in their memory, and on their Smartphone or computer. When they’re eating, driving, or relaxing in bed, they “rewind” to when they woke up and review the successes they had that day… and in past days. Heads up: Even when the world acknowledges you, you still have to Success File. You have to acknowledge yourself to experience The Joy of Success!

    Successes HSPs included were… ate a good breakfast, did my exercise routine, patiently called my child’s spelling words, responded to 8 phone calls and 23 emails… before I left for work. Wait! Those aren’t successes, you say. But for HSPs they are! They know their Big Successes came as the result of 1,000’s of tiny successes… like stopping to buy gas so they weren’t late for a deal-clenching presentation like the other guy! Why is remembering your successes so important? Because success in your past gives you confidence in your future… the self-confidence you need to keep going past setbacks and missteps.

    What is success? HSPs use a very different definition!

    For HSPs, success has three essential parts:

    1- Completion… The dictionary says success is accomplishing wealth, respect and fame. But for HSPs it’s far more. Lots of people accomplish lots and lots of things but still don’t feel successful. Why? Because feeling successful requires an extra step… self-acknowledging.

    2- Deletion… for HSPs, success has a vital second part. Success is knowing when enough is enough; when a job, relationship or method isn’t working and it’s time to stop; when you’re pushing too long and hard and you need to regain your health, relationships and balance.

    Heads up… When you notice the same incompletions occurring over and over, stop and ask yourself: Is this a goal I plan to complete? Or is this “a good idea” I have no real intention of completing? If so, it’s time to delete that “supposed goal” and substitute one you are committed to now.

    For HSPs success is also…

    3- Creation… using your accumulated knowledge and experience to break through to innovation, to new approaches, products and services. To new ways of living healthy successful lives.

    HPSs Success File all three parts of success. And you can too!

    They set aside a few minutes each day to ask themselves: What did I complete today? What did I give up or let go today? What did I realize and innovate?

    When your Success File is low, you feel needy and insecure.
    When your Success File is full, you feel Success-FULL. And FULL-Filled.


    So give it a go… list as many of the 1,000s of things you did today as you can. No judgments, just list them. And try doing it with a friend or partner who can spur you on!

    Susan Ford Collins is a sought-after speaker, trainer, and the founder of The Technology of Success. She began her career as a young researcher at the National Institutes of Health with a radical idea: to focus her research on healthy, highly successful people (HSPs) rather than dysfunctional ones. With more than two decades studying HSPs and two additional decades working with them, she now shares what she has learned about leadership and management. Susan and her husband live happily in their tropical Miami home, surrounded by lush gardens, koi ponds and an indoor/outdoor aviary filled with exotic finches.

    The Technology of Success book series includes:

    The Joy of Success: 10 Essential Skills for Getting the Success You Want, [New edition, Greenleaf Book Group Press, October 20, 2015]

    Success Has Gears: Using the Right Gear at the Right Time in Business & Life, [2014]

    Our Children Are Watching: 10 Skills for Leading the Next Generation to Success, [2014]

    Find Susan on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, www.technologyofsuccess.com


    The articles on this website are provided for information purposes only. BlackRefer.com does not accept any responsibility or liability for the use or misuse of the article content on this site or reliance by any person on the site's contents.

    No Implied Endorsement:
    BlackRefer.com does not endorse or recommend any article on this site or any product, service or information found within said articles. The views and opinions of the authors who have submitted articles to BlackRefer.com belong to them alone and do not necessarily reflect the views of BlackRefer.com.





    Get Hip to The Business of Human Potential

    Melanie Dewberry


    Melanie Dewberry



    We often neglect our own emotional and spiritual well-being in order to excel in other areas in our life with the year slowly winding down it is easy to feel disparaged and apathetic towards work or school. Melanie Dewberry is a life coach who puts emphasis on the importance of a person’s personal and spiritual growth. This enlighten soul is a life coach, public speaker, and “soul-namer,” who speaks to audiences across the world.

    DewBerry spends her days coaching future “purposepreneurs,” as she likes to refer to those who seek her advice. In her sessions, she instills courage, soul resonance, and even some financial tips to help people who have lost their way in life. “Undeterred, wildly intuitive, evocative, aha breakthroughs” are some choice words used to describe her sessions with past clients.

    Melanie DewBerry specializes in “Soul Naming,” which she says is similar to a brand for the soul. She encourages claiming one’s identity and exercising our genius. Soul Naming is her method of connecting to a poetic, straightforward, higher consciousness. In her soon-to-release book, “The Power of Naming, “ DewBerry guides readers on their spiritual path, integrating their spiritual consciousness into their work and their being, while teaching them to live on purpose.

    DewBerry is also an accomplished public speaker whose down-to-earth approach opens doors to applicable conversations on consciousness in business and life. She has been a featured speaker for TEDx conferences, University seminars, the U.S. Social Security Administration, and several other business and self-help engagements.

    If you would like to learn more about Melanie Dewberry, visit her on her website www.melaniedewberry.com.


    The articles on this website are provided for information purposes only. BlackRefer.com does not accept any responsibility or liability for the use or misuse of the article content on this site or reliance by any person on the site's contents.

    No Implied Endorsement:
    BlackRefer.com does not endorse or recommend any article on this site or any product, service or information found within said articles. The views and opinions of the authors who have submitted articles to BlackRefer.com belong to them alone and do not necessarily reflect the views of BlackRefer.com.





    The Success Quiz - Learn the Answers from Highly Successful People

    Susan Ford Collins


    Success Quiz: Are You Using All 10 Success Skills… At the Right Time?

    Most people complain about not having enough time, but the truth is most of us spend time doing things that don’t matter to our success. What does?

    Take a few minutes to complete this Success Quiz. Then I will share with you how Highly Successful People (HSPs) answered these questions…

    1. How often do you acknowledge yourself for what you accomplish?
    Circle one:   daily   weekly   monthly   annually

    2. How often do you fall asleep thinking about what you didn’t get done or you’re afraid will happen?
    Circle one:   rarely   sometimes   frequently

    3. Are you able to maintain your confidence when obstacles and failures confront you?
    Circle one:  rarely   sometimes   frequently

    4. Do you pride yourself on doing “more-better-faster”?
    Circle one:   rarely   sometimes   frequently

    5. Do you make time to learn the basics of new skills before you start using them?
    Circle one:   rarely   sometimes   frequently

    6. Can you stand up in a meeting and say you don’t agree?
    Circle one:   Yes   No

    7. How often do you push so hard that you can’t slow down to rest?
    Circle one:   rarely   sometimes   frequently

    8. Do you share your dreams with others or keep them to yourself?
    Circle one:   rarely   sometimes   frequently

    9. Do you spell out the details of outcomes you delegate?
    Circle one:   rarely   sometimes   frequently

    10. Would you rather (Circle one)
    Ask an expert for input   or   figure it out yourself

    11. Do you need to know how you’ll reach your goal before you take action?
    Circle one:   Yes   No

    12. Can you comfortably move into the unknown when you have a clear outcome in mind?
    Circle one:   Yes   No

    13. Do methods and solutions come to you out of the blue?
    Circle one:  rarely   sometimes   frequently

    14. When you are stressed, do you spend time away from the task?
    Circle one:   rarely   sometimes   frequently


    So now let’s compare your answers with theirs…

    1. HSPs make time each day to acknowledge themselves for the successes they’re having. But the successes they have in mind aren’t just the usual ones. For them, success goes beyond finishing “business to dos.” It includes things that keep their lives in balance… eating a good breakfast, exercising, spending time with family and friends, buying gas, dropping off the dry cleaning and remembering to pick it up. Most people don’t acknowledge themselves for completing things like these, but what happens to your productivity when you leave them undone? For HSPs, success also means saying NO to actions that violate their values and dreams. Deletion Successes can be the most important ones of all! And how about acknowledging yourself for your creative ideas... even if no one agrees they're possible yet!

    2. People who “succeed big” know that the last few minutes of their day are most important. Your brain is in the Alpha State so it’s the perfect time to think about what you want tomorrow and long term. And the worst time to beat yourself up for oversights and failures. As you fall asleep, plan how you’ll make corrections instead. Remember: What you think is what you get, like it or not… so focus on what you do want instead of what you don’t want. That tiny change in focus will enhance your ability to move your life and career ahead!

    3. If you are Success Filing—that is, acknowledging your successes each day—you will have the confidence to continue to move ahead when everything goes wrong, when obstacles besiege you and everyone disappoints you. Remember: When your Success File is full, you feel Success-Full. When it is low, you feel dependent and needy… at the mercy of others’ opinions and in need of their agreement. HSPs are willing to put off low priority items, but making time to Success File each day is a number one item for them.

    4. Constantly priding yourself on doing more-better-faster lands you in The Success Trap, constantly having to work longer and harder to raise the quantity-quality bar higher and higher. It can also land you in the hospital. For staying power, you need to acknowledge yourself for slowing down to learn new skills and technologies, for allowing your mind to wander into future possibilities and solutions. In today's business environment, creativity and innovation are becoming more important than productivity.

    5. It is essential to slow down to a stop from time to time. Why? Because unless you do, you won’t be able to gear your mind back to learn new skills and technologies and so you'll slip behind. HSPs schedule time to learn the most efficient tools and approaches available, rather than slogging along with equipment, programs and procedures that weren’t designed to do what you need to do now. Make time to master the basics before you attempt to gear up into 2nd Gear production. Otherwise the mistakes you make will trip up you and your teammates and take more time in the end.

    6. To stay ahead, you have to be able to disagree with the pack. For some people, getting others’ agreement is more important than getting their result. Not so for HSPs. They can stand up, disagree and then so powerfully communicate the details of the scenario they see, hear and feel, that other people take on their vision and team up with them. They lead the way by inspiration, not perspiration.

    7. When you push so long and hard that you can’t slow down to rest, you’ve gone over the edge. HSPs use this over-the-edge feeling to signal when they’re overusing the 2nd Gear of Success. Yes, success has three gear-like phases and unless you know when to shift, unless you can use all three gears as circumstances require, you’ll burn out your transmission… and that means your body. And the time lost will set your business way back. Read The Joy of Success and Success Has Gears for specifics on the Three Gears of Success and Leadership.

    8. Highly successful business people share their dreams with Co-dreamers, people who hold onto the details of their dream with them. People who contribute additional perspectives and information. People they can call when they come out of a meeting so devastated that their dream seems to have literally been erased from their minds. One phone call to a Co-dreamer can get you back on track. Who are your Co-dreamers? And who are your Co-dreaders (the ones who always tell you reasons why it can’t work) Make sure you know the difference!

    9. Going so fast that you can’t gear down to spell out the details of a task you’re delegating may seem expedient at the time. But in the long run it could ruin your business. To get the support you need from coworkers, customers and vendors, you need to share precisely what you have in mind. When you provide a sketch, others will automatically fill in the details they have in mind instead of the ones you have in mind. Beware of Sensory Fill-in! Who is responsible for the errors that result? You are of course.

    10. Would you rather ask an expert or figure it out yourself? Well, that all depends. If you're climbing up the learning curve, then asking experts and following their directions is what works best… with one exception. When you know next to nothing about something, using a salesperson as your expert may set you up to buy what’s best for him or her, but not for you. Consult an independent expert before you make a major purchase. On the other hand, depending on tried-and-true experts when you are creating something new, may take you back to how it’s already been done. Listen to their input but, as its creator, know that you are the ultimate expert when it comes to your dream!

    11. When we were kids, we were rewarded for doing things by the book. But as the head of your own business or life, that simply won’t work. These days, having-to-know-how upfront will hold you back. What you need is a thoroughly detailed outcome… then the appropriate method will find you. Powerful life changes, inventions and new businesses frequently start out as hunches or middle of the night Ahas! Most leaders I interview tell me they rarely know how, but they always know what.

    12. The ability to venture into the unknown is essential today. The marketplace is changing so rapidly that top CEOs say they don’t have a ten-year plan or a five-minute plan either. Flexibility is key. Can you think on your feet? Can you seize an opportunity that others fail to notice? Can you abandon your ten-year-ago or five-minute-ago action plan and take the next step to your dream when it presents itself?

    13. For years I interviewed inventors and creators and over and over I heard the same comments. I woke up in the night with a clear image in my head or a voice telling me what to do. Or I was taking a shower when my idea hit me. Jeff Bezos, creator of Amazon.com, was so sure about his hunch that he packed up everything he owned and moved across the country in pursuit of his dream. And we all know he found it!

    14. When you’re stuck, instead of sitting and staring at your computer screen, get up and do something else. Go for a walk or switch to a project that requires another mindset altogether. HSPs constantly tell me their most creative solutions come when they walk away from their desk and WHAM! The solution comes out of the blue… or out of the right brain. They say they strategically use the Alpha State to “program in” their problem at night and they trust their mind to deliver a solution when they first wake up. And it does.

    Susan Ford Collins is a sought-after speaker, trainer, and the founder of The Technology of Success. She began her career as a young researcher at the National Institutes of Health with a radical idea: to focus her research on healthy, highly successful people (HSPs) rather than dysfunctional ones. With more than two decades studying HSPs and two additional decades working with them, she now shares what she has learned about leadership and management. Susan and her husband live happily in their tropical Miami home, surrounded by lush gardens, koi ponds and an indoor/outdoor aviary filled with exotic finches.

    The Technology of Success book series includes:

    The Joy of Success: 10 Essential Skills for Getting the Success You Want, [New edition, Greenleaf Book Group Press, October 20, 2015]

    Success Has Gears: Using the Right Gear at the Right Time in Business & Life, [2014]

    Our Children Are Watching: 10 Skills for Leading the Next Generation to Success, [2014]

    Find Susan on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, www.technologyofsuccess.com


    The articles on this website are provided for information purposes only. BlackRefer.com does not accept any responsibility or liability for the use or misuse of the article content on this site or reliance by any person on the site's contents.

    No Implied Endorsement:
    BlackRefer.com does not endorse or recommend any article on this site or any product, service or information found within said articles. The views and opinions of the authors who have submitted articles to BlackRefer.com belong to them alone and do not necessarily reflect the views of BlackRefer.com.





    We’re Stuck in a Success Crisis! And It’s Affecting Our Kids

    By Susan Ford Collins


    Success and leadership have gears… and we’re not shifting them correctly! We've gotten stuck in “the more-better-faster, what-have-you-done-for-me-lately, too-busy-racing-around-to-enjoy-our-lives” gear. We're over-fed, under-nourished, over-medicated, under-rested, and under-satisfied. Think of the wear and tear trying to get everywhere only using one gear… 2nd gear… would put on your car. That's what's happening to most of us.

    Our kids understand this intuitively. And they’re speaking up. In interviews, many teens said, “I don't WANT to be successful!” Why? “Because if you’re successful, you never have time for family, friends and fun. You’re always working. Your boss never appreciates you and keeps asking for more.” No wonder they don’t want to be successful! Let’s stop and take a close look at what’s off. And how to correct it.

    When we drive, we shift gears up and down as circumstances require, or our automatic transmission shifts for us. As we succeed and lead we need to do the same thing, but we aren’t. Let’s take a closer look at when the three gears of success and leadership are needed.

    As we succeed…

    1st Gear is for starting and restarting, learning and relearning
    2nd Gear is for accelerating performance, producing and competing
    3rd Gear is for breaking through outmoded approaches to creativity and innovation.

    But here’s where it gets tricky. We use the word success as though it means the same thing all the time, but it doesn’t. What we mean by success is quite different in each gear. And the leadership we need in each gear is quite different too. This is what our kids don’t realize, and we haven’t either, till now.

    Success in 1st Gear means following rules and regs so we can perform our new skill safely and effectively. Then the meaning of success shifts. And our leadership needs to shift too.

    Success in 2nd Gear means weeding out beginner’s rules and devising shortcuts so we can produce more quantity, more quality, more customers, more profit, in less time with less people. (It’s the more-better-faster gear our kids are hoping to avoid, but they will need in the future… like it or not.) Now we need more freedom and independence with timely evaluations and easy access to our leaders for additional input. Then when we start feeling our gears grinding, our bodies more and more stressed, our return on effort diminishing, we need to shift to 3rd.

    Success in 3rd Gear is being creative, innovative and collaborative so we can continue advancing our careers and our lives. In 3rd gear we are leading our own project and looking for expertise and support.

    But many people fail to shift into 3rd. Why?

    Like an Indie driver, a manager at one of America’s companies constantly pressed down his accelerator and his teams’ accelerators too. Sick days and errors kept increasing. Morale kept dropping. Even though Jim constantly complained he was exhausted, his heart was pounding and he couldn’t sleep, even though he had more vacation days saved up than anyone else, he wouldn’t take time off. Why? Because he kept telling himself his team wouldn’t produce at the same level without him and his results would slip… and so would his bonus.

    By disproportionately incenting, bonusing and promoting 2nd Gear activities, Corporate America is multiplying the problem… as well as resultant family and health issues and budget-breaking costs. This complex interaction of success and leadership errors is producing The Success Crisis.

    But wait. The Success Crisis is costing far more! Overusing 2nd Gear means underusing 1st and 3rd… squeezing out time we need to replace outdated systems and equipment, to learn new methods and technologies (1st). And eating up time to think about what will work and how to start creating the future we want (3rd).

    At a time when our infrastructure is crumbling, when train wrecks kill and maim us because we haven’t installed the latest safety systems, when we’ve sent manufacturing overseas and immigration policies prevent the smartest and most innovative international students from coming to our universities and think tanks, we need to pause to re-think, think and pre-think.

    Fortunately some of our kids are taking matters into their own hands, showing the way to the future they want. And we will want too.

    At 16, Blake Ross was a threat to Bill Gates… or so the cover of Wired magazine declared!

    His psychologist mother Abby remembers: Blake spent hours in his room. ”We didn’t know what was going on in there at first, but when he started requesting programming books for his birthday, we began to get an idea.” When he wanted to do an internship in Silicon Valley, Abby had to file his work papers for him because he was three days short of 16! Still a teen, this self-taught coder co-founded Mozilla Firefox and sparked a global phenomenon. Firefox has been downloaded more than 226,265,215 times (as I write), threatening the supremacy of Microsoft’s Internet Explorer as predicted! At 20, Blake had to buy a tux to attend a dinner for Time magazine’s 100 most influential people of the year. In 2013 Blake resigned from his position as Director of Product for Facebook to dream about what’s next for him. And Blake just turned 30!

    Are you using all three Success and Leadership Gears at the right time? Is your organization? Who do you know who is stuck?

    About the Author:
    Susan Ford Collins is a sought-after speaker, trainer, and the founder of The Technology of Success. She began her career as a young researcher at the National Institutes of Health with a radical idea: to focus her research on healthy, highly successful people (HSPs) rather than dysfunctional ones. With more than two decades studying HSPs and two additional decades working with them, she now shares what she has learned about leadership and management. Susan and her husband live happily in their tropical Miami home, surrounded by lush gardens, koi ponds and an indoor/outdoor aviary filled with exotic finches.

    The Technology of Success book series includes:

    The Joy of Success: 10 Essential Skills for Getting the Success You Want, [New edition, Greenleaf Book Group Press, October 20, 2015]

    Success Has Gears: Using the Right Gear at the Right Time in Business & Life, [2014]

    Our Children Are Watching: 10 Skills for Leading the Next Generation to Success, [2014]

    Find Susan on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, www.technologyofsuccess.com


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    Melanie DewBerry is Thriving in the Business of Human Potential and Spiritual Enlightenment


    Melanie DewBerry



    Get hip to the business of human potential, Melanie DewBerry is. She is a life coach, public speaker, and “soul-namer,” who speaks to audiences across the world.

    DewBerry spends her days coaching future “purposepreneurs,” as she likes to refer to those who seek her advice. In her sessions, she instills courage, soul resonance, and even some financial tips to help people who have lost their way in life. “Undeterred, wildly intuitive, evolving,” are some choice words used to describe her sessions with past clients.

    Melanie DewBerry specializes in “Soul Naming,” which she says is similar to a brand for the soul. She encourages claiming one’s identity and exercising our genius. Soul Naming is her method of connecting to a poetic, straightforward, higher consciousness. She guides her clients on their spiritual path, integrating their path into their work and their being, while teaching them to live on purpose.

    DewBerry also hosts her own Wisdom Salons—small group sessions that allow people to genuinely connect, have meaningful conversation without agenda, practice intimacy, and create community within a diverse group of people.

    Melanie DewBerry is also an accomplished public speaker whose down-to-earth approach opens doors to applicable conversations on consciousness in business and life. She has been a featured speaker for TEDx conferences, University seminars, the U.S. Social Security Administration, and several other business and self-help engagements.

    Melanie DewBerry speaking at TEDxPannonia: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JHYpnBZi2cw

    Melanie DewBerry speaking at Lifestyles of Health and Sustainability Forum: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYwvrkKdL8E

    If you would like to learn more about Melanie DewBerry, visit her on her website www.melaniedewberry.com.


    The articles on this website are provided for information purposes only. BlackRefer.com does not accept any responsibility or liability for the use or misuse of the article content on this site or reliance by any person on the site's contents.

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    “Change Your Shoes; 365 Life Resolutions”

    an inspirational journal that guide readers through a discovery of daily resolutions to create positive life changes.


     author Kathy Andersen



    In her new book, award-winning author, Kathy Andersen, takes readers on a daily journey to create one life resolution per day to step into all one wants out of life. According to Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook COO and LeanIn.org Founder: “Kathy Andersen is an inspiration for every girl and woman who wants to achieve her dreams. After surviving over a decade of sexual abuse by her father, Kathy had the courage and determination to “change her shoes” and build the life she wanted for herself. She now devotes herself to helping others. This book will give girls and women a daily tool to overcome challenges and build the futures they desire.” Jack Canfield, Co-Creator of the #1 New York Times Bestselling Chicken Soup for the Soul® Series and Coauthor of The Success Principles, "Kathy's book is an invaluable tool to help you do one of the most important things you can do for yourself—commit to doing one thing each day that will get you closer to all you want in your life." Inspired by Kathy's first book, Change Your Shoes~Live Your Greatest Life, this new book is filled with daily quotes and questions that will move you to take just one step each day toward the change you want in your life.

    Andersen is on a mission to help people create positive change in their lives. Kathy teaches people how to create the change they want in every aspect of life, from work, wealth, relationships, health, and more. Kathy has spent almost 20 years helping adults, children, leaders, athletes, and corporations, transform visions of change into reality.

    Kathy is unique in that she has lived and learned change after swapping her corporate high heels to hiking boots to move beyond a childhood of sexual abuse. Kathy’s point of view is a rarely-found combination of leading expertise and direct personal experience.

    “When we dare to change our shoes, when we are bold enough to step out, when we are brave enough to dig deep, and when we are strong enough to leap high, we can create infinite change.”

    An experienced media guest, Kathy is a go-to source on change including:

    Taking the First Next Step to Change—Starting Today!

    • Changing Your Wants Into Wealth
    • Daily Strategies to Turn Challenge into Change
    • Transforming Your Weight and Wellness from the "Inside Out”
    • Turning Your Work into a Labor of Love
    • Changing Your Relationships from Average to Awesome
    • Turning a Painful Past into a Purposeful Future
    • Steps to Thriving Beyond Abuse and Trauma
    • Corporate Leadership: Creating Positive Change in Communities
    • Politics and Positive Change: Can Politicians Really Be Forces of Positive Change
    • Giving Back: Simple Steps to Create the Change You Want in the World

    Kathy is the author of the five-time award-winning motivational memoir, Change Your Shoes~Live Your Greatest Life. This book takes readers on a transformational journey of inspiration to realize and fulfill their dreams, aspirations, and greatest pursuits. Kathy’s latest book, Change Your Shoes~365 Life Resolutions, is soon to be released.

    One of Kathy’s current programs, Change Your Shoes and Lean In, is a collaboration with Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In to help victims of child sex trafficking and exploitation to create change and step into a bright future. Kathy has also worked with Major League Baseball players Miguel Cabrera and Pedro Martinez to establish their charitable foundations to change the lives of children in need.

    To learn more about Kathy Andersen, please visit www.kathyandersen.com.

    “Make no mistake about this women’s advice and lessons. She comes from a position of skill and strength.”
    Christine Letts
    Harvard University, Executive Education.


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    When It Comes To Public Speaking, Knowing Your ActorType Is Key To A Masterful Presentation


    New York, NY, July 17, 2014 - Ralph Waldo Emerson stated, "What you do speaks so loud, I cannot hear what you say.” So when it comes to public speaking, what is it that gets in the way of being heard? Robyn Hatcher has learned the secret, so it's no surprise that when she talks – people listen!

    In her new book, Standing Ovation Presentations (Motivational Press), Hatcher reveals her groundbreaking formula for mastering public speaking through ActorTypes. Drawing from her vast experience as a working actor and script-writer in theatre and TV, she helps readers identify their primary communications style, or ActorType, and applies her revolutionary approach to break down barriers for people who struggle with speaking in large or small groups.

    Hatcher believes communication is an art form in itself and since every person has an ActorType the trick is to find the 'right' combination of the nine types; Hero, Villain, Innocent, Sex Symbol, Curmudgeon, Whiz Kid, Super Hero, Buddy and Comic. Do you know your ActorType? Maybe you're a Denzel Washington or Ian Somerhalder, or possibly a Jennifer Lopez or Sandra Bullock?

    In addition to the book, Hatcher offers a variety of tools for public speaking training. These include a Vocal Workout CD that features voice training, breathing exercises, pronunciation practices and articulation and intonation drills; a Training and Coaching Workshop for improved presentations, public speaking and communications, and a dynamic and inspirational Keynote Speaker at all conferences or corporate meetings. Together, these tools can become an integral part in every aspect of a person's life.

    "Public speaking is, simply put, a constant in our everyday lives and it's just not an option to take things for granted,” says Hatcher. "Whether you're giving the presentation of your career, coaching a soccer team, or running for PTA president – honing your communication skills and playing to your ActorType is your key to success.”

    About Robyn Hatcher:
    Robyn Hatcher is founder and principal of SpeakEtc., a boutique communications company that focuses on presentation training. She is an acclaimed actress, voiceover artist, writer, and expert communications guest for Huffpost Live. This highly successful businesswoman and sought-after speaker is also a member of the prestigious New York Women in Communications, Inc. (NYWICI), Savor the Success, Step Up Women's Network, Writers Guild of America East, Screen Actors Guild, Actors Equity and American Federation of Radio and Television Artists, and was an appointed member and committee chair of Manhattan's Board Five for six years.

    For more information and to take a 5-minute quiz to learn your ActorType, please visit the website at: www.SpeakEtc.com.

    Please see Robyn at: http://youtu.be/PtKVg7Kr0ro

    Standing Ovation Presentations
    Motivational Press, Inc.
    Available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble
    Price: $22.95 (paperback); $9.99 (ebook)
    ISBN-10: 1935723855
    ISBN-13: 978-1935723851
    Page count: 304 pages


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    Bishop T.D. Jakes Talks to EBONY Magazine

    - He Explores How to Transform and Achieve the Life You Always Wanted -


    CHICAGO (March 5, 2014) — Bishop T.D. Jakes – mega church founder and pastor, New York Times best-selling author, global humanitarian, film producer, TV and radio host, conference leader, and spiritual adviser – graces the cover of EBONY magazine’s April issue. The publication offers readers 175 tips on how to transform their life.

    Known internationally for his sermons on spirituality and transformation, Jakes shares with EBONY readers his secrets to achieving innermost desires, and provides tips from his new book, Instinct: The Power to Unleash Your Inborn Drive, scheduled for release in early May.

    “Success is accomplished when you know your purpose and accomplish things you were put on this earth to do,” said Jakes when discussing his keys to success.

    In the article, Jakes continues, “Instinct is something you sense; it’s just there in you. He added, “…I have had the privilege of being close to [people] who have done exceptional things. They accomplished great feats not because of intellect, but instinct.”

    Jakes also advises against conforming and promotes transforming by stating, “Some people are trying to conform to what they see around them. Transformation is more about the outworking of what’s inside of you. You can only transform into what you are intrinsically.”

    In addition to the features on transformation, EBONY has released a special report, “Guess Who’s Coming to the Prom” on teenaged interracial dating.

    According to research conducted by Frank N. Magrid Associates, Inc., today’s teens are more likely to interact with a diverse circle of friends, and according to the Pew Research Center, 15 percent of new marriages in 2010 were interracial, compared to 6.7 percent in 1980. These statistics, along with the growing trend of interracial couples seen in pop culture (i.e. Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, Scandal’s Olivia Pope and President Fitz, and John Legend and Christine Teigen), are a reflection of the growing trend of teenagers dating outside of their race. Inside the issue, readers will learn the impact this has on society and how race overall is impacting the country.

    “I tell my children they should find love wherever it is good,” said Lonnae O’Neal Parker, an African American mother. “I realize that I mean that more with my daughters than I do with my son. Race still matters in subtle ways as we try to make sure that our kids’ self-esteem is intact.”

    Readers can read the article in its entirety in the April issue of EBONY magazine, on newsstands now.


    ###


    About EBONY:
    EBONY is the No. 1 source for an authoritative perspective on the African-American community. The monthly magazine, now in its 68th year, reaches nearly 11 million readers. EBONY features the best thinkers, trendsetters, hottest celebrities and next-generation leaders of African-Americans. EBONY ignites conversation, promotes empowerment and celebrates aspiration. Available nationwide on newsstands and the iPad, EBONY is the heart, the soul and the pulse of African-Americans.

    Follow us and tell us what’s on your mind: @EBONYMag on Twitter | EBONYMag on Facebook| EBONYMag.Tumblr.com on Tumblr| EBONY.com online

    EBONY: It’s more than a magazine, it’s a movement.


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    Blacks Grow Beyond The 13th Amendment


    - Events affecting Blacks historically, politically, economically and socially, should be an indication that Blacks should wake up and be serious about their viability to be valued and of value in American society. Carter G. Woodson said it best about Blacks in the 21st century.

    “If the Negro in the ghetto must eternally be fed by the hand that pushes him into the ghetto, he will never become strong enough to get out of the ghetto.” -


    Blacks Grow Beyond The 13th Amendment
    image by William Jackson, M.Ed.
    2013 should be a year of ending servitude or slavery for Blacks. “In the year 2013 I will not be bound, I would not be enslaved.” “Let no one in 2013, let no one allow yourself to be enslaved,” Pastor Timothy Cole, Sr. WFBC 12/2012 America is based on freedoms; it is time for Blacks to embrace diversity, talents, skills and culture. The 13th Amendment (1863), signed to free slaves from the humiliation and degradation of physical enslavement. Mental freedoms still evade to many Blacks in America.

    Blacks no matter the shade, they were all slaves, were enslaved in the fields, on the plantations, in the house. Blacks were slaves to white masters; look at current and past movies about slavery. It was not romantic, happy, joyous, it was designed to hammer Blacks down, degrade them, keep them uneducated and separated, fighting against themselves in ignorance and self hatred.

    Twenty thirteen should be an end to Colorism, Bias, Hatred, Denial and Self destruction for Blacks. The 13th Amendment ended slavery in 1863 this was 150 years ago. In celebration of freedom from servitude Blacks should embrace diversity because in the blood, in the genetic structure, decedents of Africans. This cannot be denied historically, nor can it be genetically forgotten. I embrace and celebrate my African heritage and still respect my diversity of my Native American heritage also. Twenty thirteen should be a year of celebrating the freedoms granted by the 13th Amendment. Blacks stop waiting on a Superman, a President, on a Preacher, on a Athlete, on a Entertainer or someone’s birthday; celebrate as free Blacks now.

    My Pastor states’ “We have some issues as a people, but we should not allow the continuation of self hatred, cultural disrespect and devaluing education to keep us enslaved in 2013.” Blacks may not be physically enslaved, but mentally (psychologically) slavery keeps many Blacks from educating themselves. The denial of math, science, literacy, language, stating by youth these are too hard and are what White people learn. The reality is that Africans invented math, studied science, practiced medicine before Europeans could understand what these disciplines were. Writing was already being done to document history on parchment not rocks. This information is historical fact, traced back to Egyptians and other African cultures.

    Too many Blacks are brainwashed that Colorism (hating on lighter or darker skinned family members) is acceptable. Mental and cultural manipulation that keeps Blacks from growing as a people. “.. the Negro finds himself at the close of the third generation from Emancipation. He is restricted in his sphere to small things, and with these he becomes satisfied. His ambition, does not rise any higher than to plunge into the competition with his fellows for these trifles. At the same time those who have given the race such false ideals are busy in the higher spheres from which Negroes by their mis-education and radial guidance have been disbarred” Carter G. Woodson

    The realization that after 150 years of freedom, too many Negros are still slaves. Killing their brothers and sisters, driving their culture further into a history of murders and assassins. The moral destruction of a people through music, entertainment, drugs, sexual illegitimacy and devaluing of education. Educational slavery is rampant because Blacks allow schools to fail in their communities, too many allow their children to disrespect educators and parents refuse to set good values and morals.

    In the same breathe of cursing schools parents cannot tell you when they took their children to a public library or museum. Freedom comes with willing to gain knowledge and understanding. Too many Blacks celebrate ignorance and show their embracing of servitude (slavery) because they will not put efforts to educate and improve themselves. Embracing profanity laden reality shows, memorize degrading musical lyrics and participate in multiple sexual partners spreading HIV and other STD’s.

    Too many students in school refuse to learn how to read and comprehend but can learn rap lyrics with fluid ease and can calculate when welfare checks come and food stamps arrive in the mail. Blacks that are successful and doing positive things for cultural and community enrichment are forgotten, cursed, and down played. Young people like Cameron Clarke who earned a Perfect SAT Score, Shaquille O'Neal who earned an Ed.D in education. O’Neal, a successful sports star he still valued education to continue to pursue a doctorial degree after basketball. This should be celebrated nationally and an inspiration to educational success for Blacks.

    Blacks should celebrate a Black President (Barack Obama) in the “White House”, embrace the first Black Mayor of Jacksonville, Florida (Alvin Brown), emulate a young man achieve a perfect score on a national assessment (Cameron Clarke), a Black girl achieve Olympic glory (Gabby Douglas) , continue to have more than 14 Black men and women soar into space as astronauts and support a Black man flying around the world on his own (Barrington Irving). This represents that Blacks can achieve success and greatness.

    Pastor Timothy Cole, Sr. “Some things people should out grow,” slavery, indentured servitude, Colorism, defeatism, cultural hatred, self denial, cultural rape, illegitimate children and generational governmental poverty, these are prisons that keep Blacks enslaved. Carter G. Woodson stated, “Here we find that the Negro has failed to recover from his slavish habit of berating his own and worshipping others as perfect beings.” I have stated that , “No cultural is better than any other. The only difference is how strong they create the illusion of superiority” Wm Jackson 2013. Black have physically been free because of the 13th Amendment for 150 years this year of 2013. This New Year, this decade of change, “At this moment, then, the Negroes must begin to do the very thing which they have been taught that they cannot do.” Carter G. Woodson

    Stop Colorism, Stop Cultural Racism, Stop Self hatred, Stop Raping of Black women, Stop denying education. 150 years should be long enough to get the message.

    William Jackson, M.Ed.
    Twitter: wmjackson
    http://MyQuestToTeach.WordPress.com/

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Hay House, Inc


    The Power And Grace Between Nasty Or Nice: Replacing Entitlement, Narcissism, And Incivility With Knowledge, Caring, And Genuine Self-Esteem by John C. Friel, Ph.D., and Linda D. Olund Friel, M.A.


    "This is like no self-help book you have ever read. It's both highly original and grounded in practical reality. Its focus is deeply personal while also shedding light on our larger culture. The authors come across like the kind of people they are helping others to become - gracious and powerful, smart and humble, connected to others, and fully themselves.” William J. Doherty, Ph.D., professor and director of the Minnesota Couples on the Brink Project at the University of Minnesota and author of Take Back Your Marriage."

    …our genetic survival will depend on human beings who cooperate, care for one another, and who have the capacity for limbic resonance, rather than just pursuing more and more stuff.”


    Deerfield Beach, FL, May 23, 2012 - This thought-provoking book goes far beyond the tired clichés of typical self-help books. America, and many other nations, is so out of balance that we are too often confused by who is "the victim" and who is "the perpetrator." Those who are too "nice" get exploited, and those who are too "mean" get what they want at others' expense.

    The Power And Grace Between Nasty Or Nice
    From their ecological-systemic perspective, psychologists John and Linda Friel explain the role of evolution, genetics, and biology; personal, marital, and family dynamics, and cultural and political forces in creating a society that is riddled with entitlement, narcissism, incivility, fake self-esteem, and a disturbing lack of basic knowledge. In their latest book, The Power and Grace Between Nasty or Nice: Replacing Entitlement, Narcissism, and Incivility with Knowledge, Caring, and Genuine Self-Esteem they show how and why these must be replaced by caring, humility, genuine self-esteem, and real knowledge.

    Power without graciousness results in bullying and nastiness. Graciousness without power results in being a doormat. When we temper power with graciousness, we elevate ourselves beyond our purely brutish selves and become competent, grateful, humble, effective, and truly powerful---attributes that are sorely lacking in a fast-shrinking world where anxiety and over-reaction often reign supreme. Using cutting-edge neuroscience and down-to-earth examples, the Friels show how you can move into the power zone between victim and perpetrator, and how even one very small change held firmly for six to twelve months can cause more system-wide change than anything else you can do, whether it’s in your home, your office or in your community. You’ll discover:

    Non-citizens now launch half of all Silicon Valley start-up companies.

    The U.S. divorce rate is very high in southern states—Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Oklahoma, and Texas—that do not support gay marriage, and lowest in northeastern states like Massachusetts, New Jersey, and New York, which do support gay marriage.

    The term "American Exceptionalism" was coined by Soviet Communist Party leader Joseph Stalin.

    There is a genetic link between how much we contribute to charities, whether we are liberal or conservative, how many risks we take, how much pleasure we get from volunteering at a soup kitchen, and how tolerant we are of others’ differences. Thomas Jefferson wrote: "If a nation expects to be ignorant and free, in a state of civilization, it expects what never was and never will be"

    Why conflict can be a life-enhancing part of human relationships and why avoiding conflict can be just as destructive as constantly pushing for it.

    Why the opposite of dysfunctional is dysfunctional. One who is hyper-independent is just as dependent and needy as one who is clingy and helpless.

    Why cutting off all contact with relatives—even in quite abusive situations—will keep you almost as hooked in to them as if you simply stayed home and lived with them.

    Why not always getting along with a family member is normal; and why not speaking to them for years is not normal, and is destructive to all members of that family.

    Why the ability to allow disappointment to enrich your life is one of the keys to happiness.

    And, why any system in nature—the solar system, the nervous system, a system of work-mates in a work-group in a high-tech corporation—will never change until there is a disturbance in the system. This provocative and profound book will show you how to navigate those changes by bringing your best self forward.

    About the authors: John C. Friel, Ph.D., and Linda D. Olund Friel, M.A., are internationally recognized authors and skilled clinicians. They are psychologists in private practice in St. Paul, MN. John also has an office in Reno, NV. They are New York Times bestselling authors, selling over 500,000 books, are the founders of the ClearLife® Clinic Program, and have appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show, ABC News 20/20, in USA Today, Parents, and Cosmopolitan.

    Available online or at bookstores or to order directly from the publisher, contact: (800) 441-5569 or www.hcibooks.com

    The Power and Grace Between Nasty or Nice: Replacing Entitlement, Narcissism, and Incivility with Knowledge, Caring, and Genuine Self-Esteem (by John & Linda Friel)

    ISBN-13: 9780757315862
    $14.95
    May 2012

    Author Interview:

    1. Power and Grace. That might sound counterintuitive to a lot of people, but it strikes a very powerful mental image. Can you explain this further?
    Being powerful without also being kind and gracious is just being a bully and a perpetrator. Being gracious without being powerful can often mean just being a victim—getting taken advantage of. When you combine power and grace, then you really have an exceptional human being.

    We are all capable of terrible acts of cruelty or unkindness to each other. We are also very capable of incredibly honorable, courageous acts filled with the highest integrity. Each of us has a choice to either act from our best selves, or to act from our worst selves. Combining power and grace is the ultimate examples of our best selves in action.


    2. What is "limbic resonance" and why is it so important for human survival?
    When you hold a puppy in your arms and he wiggles and wags his tail and licks you in the face, you are experiencing limbic resonance. When two people falling in love gaze into each other's eyes, and feel as if they have known each other for centuries, that is limbic resonance. When a mother holds her infant, and the two of them seem to be in a "dance of intimate connection" as they respond to each other, that is limbic resonance. Limbic resonance is what happens between two mammals—two human beings, a human and a dog, a dog and a dolphin, etc.—when they "connect up" or "map each other's minds."

    Higher feelings—e.g., loneliness, safety, shame, guilt—are only experienced by mammals. When I was in first and second grade, my friend and I collected snakes and lizards in the coastal mountains just north of San Francisco. When we left for school in the morning, the snakes in the terrarium never got distressed, and when we came home from school, they never got excited. But the dog did! People who have learned to ignore or suppress their feelings as they were growing up are simply incapable of having a very intimate relationship with another human being, and they repeatedly make huge mistakes when picking a life partner. Feelings are absolutely crucial in making good decisions.


    3. Do you think that the Self-Esteem Movement has been a bad thing?
    Struggle is a good thing. Way too many American parents are afraid to let their kids struggle, and are crippling them as a result. The self-esteem movement began as a very positive and caring response to the emotional and physical abuse of children at home and in the classroom. By the late 1970s, it had morphed into one of the most destructive forces in American society, and in our estimation, is responsible for a dramatic increase in personality disorders—especially narcissistic personality disorder—among twenty-somethings, thirty-somethings, and even forty-somethings.

    Kids who were raised with constant praise, and whose parents hovered over them and removed all of the struggles from their paths, grow up, try to leave home after high school or college, and fall flat on their faces because all of a sudden, LIFE IS TOO HARD! It's a terrible problem in the United States.


    4. You say that "the opposite of dysfunctional is dysfunctional." Can you give an example of that?
    People who are needy, clingy, and helpless clearly have dependency problems. So do people who are overly independent, deny their needs, and come across as need-less. That is why people who are too independent usually find themselves in intimate relationships with others who are alcoholic, sexually addicted, needy and clingy, or manipulative. Being overly independent is just as "little," as my wife, Linda puts it, as someone who is clingy and helpless on the outside. Their outside "shell" just looks different—inside, they're the same.

    5. You begin this book with the plight of Neanderthals and the evolutionary biology of human survival. What's your point?
    Homo sapiens have been around for 200,000 years—half as long as the 400,000 years that Neanderthals were around. There is a very strongly-supported theory that suggests that those of us who care for one another—even to the point of not reproducing ourselves by having our own children if need be—are more apt to protect our gene pool than those who are selfish, self-centered, and only care about ourselves. By 2042 the United States will be composed entirely of minorities. It is imperative that we learn to cooperate and tolerate if we plan to survive on this planet for very long. About 4% of the DNA of many modern humans is from Neanderthals—that's as much as Neanderthals were able to pass on to us.

    6. What happens to human beings who do not have a solid support system that includes people with whom they can share their deepest, darkest secrets and fears?
    There is an exciting new scientific field called "interpersonal neurobiology." We now know that people who have a good social support system live longer, are better able to fight off diseases, feel less stressed, and are less prone to depression. The specific findings are stunning (give examples).

    We are pack animals. We did not evolve to be excessively individualistic, like reptiles. We do best when we have others upon whom we can depend, and who depend on us.


    7. On the back cover of your book, you state that the term "American Exceptionalism" was actually coined by Soviet Communist Party Leader Joseph Stalin. Why is that in your book?
    The term "American Exceptionalism" has been dusted off and used in recent political battles in an attempt to re-affirm that we are the greatest nation that ever existed. The same people who are using the term are also trying to diminish, some would say even destroy, the American Middle Class by continuing to bolster the richest 1% of the population while gutting unions and keeping wages flat, or worse, as they have been since George W. Bush took office. In 1929, the American Communist Party told Stalin that America was not ripe for a revolution because capitalism was strong, we had an expanding middle class, and our economy was still good. The Depression had not hit yet. Stalin became angry and wrote to the head of the American Communist Party, referring to this "heresy of American exceptionalism." The irony is that current Ultra-Right-Wing attempts to take down the middle class in America will create the very conditions that Stalin knew would make us ripe for a revolution. In fact, it is what the Right loosely labels "socialism" that actually makes America strong—unions, healthcare, a good educational system, and tax policies that are fair to everyone, not just the wealthy.

    8. On the back cover, you state that the divorce rate is highest in Southern states that do not allow gay marriage, and lowest in Northeastern states that do allow gay marriage. What is the significance of this?
    It's really simple. The common variable is education. The more highly educated, the lower the divorce rate, and the more tolerant people are of others' differences. According to the Wall Street Journal, 50% of all Silicon Valley startups are initiated by non-citizens, and 70% of all Ph.D.s in electrical engineering in the U.S. are earned by immigrants. Dr. Richard Florida maintains that cities or regions in the U.S. that have high quality educational systems, are tolerant and flexible—especially about gays and immigrants—and who appreciate the brainpower contributed by immigrants, will be where the most high-tech startups occur, and where the strongest economies, overall (there are always exceptions), will be.

    9. You say that in marriage, people always pair up with a partner who is equally healthy and equally dysfunctional as themselves. How can that be true? Can you give an example?
    I could give you a few thousand examples. One was a 45-year-old attorney and his 43-year-old wife, who was a chronic alcoholic and had been to inpatient treatment at Hazelden in Minnesota 3 times. They came to see me for marital counseling. I got her to go to her 4th inpatient treatment, and I talked him into my men's therapy group. He must have trusted something about me, because he stayed in the group for over 2 years. A little over 1 year into the group, he came in, smiling, and said that he had "hated my guts" since our first session when I suggested that they were equally healthy and dysfunctional. He was working 50 hours a week, taking the kids to all of their hockey practices and band concerts. She was a great mom and wife when she was sober, but she wasn't sober very often. He laughed and then told me that it had "hit him like a ton of bricks" on the way to my office this day, for group, that he was just as dysfunctional as her, and he proceeded to count on his fingers 6 major ways that that was true.

    Linda and I take a systems approach to all of the therapy that we do, so while there is no way to know for sure, I find it very interesting that this balancing of the system that came with his acknowledging his own part instead of just blaming her, was followed by her getting sober two months later, and staying sober for the next 15 years. And she is sober to this day.


    10. You suggest that cutting off all contact from certain family members is never a good strategy, and that it invariably results in harm to everyone, including the person who has cut off contact. You have two very powerful examples in your book. Is there ever a time to completely cut off contact?
    We can't think of one. A parent, or parents, may be so abusive and/or scary that you need to limit your contact to something as simple as a birthday card, a holiday card, and perhaps one or two phone calls a year. But you might be amazed at how many families have been able to heal even the most terrible of wounds.

    11. You say that conflict is a good thing, and that it makes people grow, and strengthens relationships. How can this be?
    Conflict is a normal, necessary, and constant part of life WHETHER YOU ARE WILLING OR ABLE TO ADMIT IT OR NOT. Examples? Thermostat up, thermostat down. Being on time, being late. Being messy, being neat. Being on the top, or being on the bottom. Where to go on vacation. Whether or not to go to a movie tonight. People who say they don't have conflict? They do. They just have a hidden way of resolving it, which is sometimes good, and sometimes not so good. If one person always defers to the other, the one who always defers will eventually begin to "disappear" and lose his/her identity. If one always gets his/her way, he'll eventually feel lonely or dissatisfied because unless there is resistance in a relationship, THERE IS NO RELATIONSHIP.

    All couples have the same fight—structurally—for the entire length of their relationship. The structure or style might be that when uncomfortable, he backs away or "exits," and she moves in, confronts, and may even become "too confrontive and critical." This becomes their life-long dance. Couples who get better and better at doing their "fight" have the best relationships. In other words, the more she can soothe herself and back off but still stay connected to him, and the more he stays put and stays connected rather than backing away, the more intimate their relationship becomes.

    Healthy conflict makes people grow. Psychologist David Schnarch wrote, "Sexual conflict in marriage is not just inevitable—it's important…because it…makes both people grow up."



    The articles on this website are provided for information purposes only. BlackRefer.com does not accept any responsibility or liability for the use or misuse of the article content on this site or reliance by any person on the site's contents.

    No Implied Endorsement:
    BlackRefer.com does not endorse or recommend any article on this site or any product, service or information found within said articles. The views and opinions of the authors who have submitted articles to BlackRefer.com belong to them alone and do not necessarily reflect the views of BlackRefer.com.





    Getting Smart on Surety Bonds
    by Rhonda Taylor


    There is nothing wrong with being dumb. That’s how all smart people start out.

    In my case, I was dumb enough to quit a lifetime-guaranteed job with the government to start my own business. I was dumb enough to think, as an African American woman, I could compete with huge corporations for government contracts. And I was dumb enough to think that once I got the job, I could do it well. Like a lot of smaller contractors, I smartened up. Fast. Turns out I was smart enough after all. But one thing that lots of business people never really smarten up about is getting a surety bond. To do a government job -- my first -- I needed a bond. Who knew?

    Not the insurance companies. They told me I could not get a bond because my company did not have a good credit score. Turns out that surety bonds and completion bonds and other bonds are not really insurance. They are more like lines of credit. Here’s why: If a contractor does not finish a job, the bonding company has to step in and make it right. Then the bonding company can turn around and pursue the original contractor for reimbursement. If bonding companies think your credit is such that they cannot recover their losses, they will not issue a bond.

    black/african american motivational
    That is what happened to me -- 11 times. There was nothing wrong with my credit: My books were in order. Taxes paid. Vendors happy. Clients too. I just did not have enough of it to get a bond for a three year contract I had already won. When I talked to other business people about bonding and working capital, they all said the same thing: Nothing we can do about it. That is just the way it is. “But wait a minute,” I asked: “All that government stimulus money is supposed to help small businesses. And now you are telling me that most small businesses cannot do government work? That can’t be true.” Most did not answer. They just shrugged their shoulders and walked away.

    The agency with the work gave me an extension but it was not looking good. With two days to go, my agent, Chondra Martin, told me she had a lead: A bonding company that looked past credit scores and looked at your ability to do the work you were contracted to do. That seemed kind of smart. Soon we were talking with Andrew Wohl at Ox Bonding. He wanted to know about my company and its balance sheet and whether I had any tax liens or other problems. That was all good. Then we started talking about the job and how I bid on it; why I bid the way I did (I went to the agency and got a copy of the contract from the last time it was up. So I knew what the number was and I told Andrew how I could do the job better, faster, cheaper.) He got into my grill. And soon I got a bond.

    Next think you know the St. Louis Post-Dispatch is doing a story about how this small business owner overcame obstacles to win a job. That of course got me even more clients. I didn’t know about that either. Later I had a chance to talk to Robert Berman, co-founder of Ox Bonding and another smart guy. He told me that he started Ox Bonding because when he was a teenager, his father could not get a bond for a bigger government job. They ignored all his great work. All his references. “There are so many good companies out there that do great work but who cannot get a bond,” Berman told me. “So we help them with a bond and with working capital. Because on government jobs, sometimes a lot of money goes out before any comes in.”

    Berman is not a member of the Little Sisters of the Poor: He is not running a charity. Ox Bonding manages risk by having the agency issue our checks to them. They pay the workers and the vendors. “We can even negotiate better deals,” Berman told me. “We will call a vendor and say we can pay you in 30 days, as stated in the contract. Or we can pay you today if we get a discount. Most vendors are happy to negotiate.” That is pretty smart. Being the smart person that I am, I detected a flaw in Berman's grand plan for dominating the world of bonding and working capital. "Once your clients get a bond and do the work, won't that help them get the credit they need to get a bond from one of the big boys, like Zurich?"

    "Smart question,” he said. I knew that. "We do help our clients get better credit. But we also help them with working capital, payroll, and other services. So what we have found so far is that once contractors have been with us for a while, they want to do even more with us." Even I’m smart enough to know that.

    Contact:
    Rhonda Taylor 
    RhondaTaylor5000@gmail.com


    The articles on this website are provided for information purposes only. BlackRefer.com does not accept any responsibility or liability for the use or misuse of the article content on this site or reliance by any person on the site's contents.

    No Implied Endorsement:
    BlackRefer.com does not endorse or recommend any article on this site or any product, service or information found within said articles. The views and opinions of the authors who have submitted articles to BlackRefer.com belong to them alone and do not necessarily reflect the views of BlackRefer.com.





BLACK / AFRICAN AMERICAN MOTIVATIONAL PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT
   

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